IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that teenagers are facing more problems in their life than they did in the past and this is because parents are spending more time at work than at home. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #life #parents #time #work #home
The graph above illustrates the yearly amount of spending on average
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two different types of
phone
 services from 2001 to 2010. Generally speaking, it is apparent that the expenditure for cell
phone
 service saw a constant
decease
Correct your spelling
decrease
show examples
 throughout the entire period,
while
 the figure for residential
phone
inclined
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 over the same time frame. Focusing on
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 2001-2006, in 2001, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consumers
Add an article
the consumers
show examples
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
celling
Change the verb form
to cell
show examples
 by residential
phone
, with the amount of services consumption standing at just below $700 in 2001, the peak of the whole survey,
while
 the data for
cell
Add an article
a cell
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 was at only around $200 in the same year.
Subsequently
, the annual expenditures of these two categories of
phone
 services were equal in 2006, at roughly $550. In the following 4
year-period
Correct your spelling
year period
show examples
, there was a
steadily
Change the adverb
steady
show examples
 incline in the figure for cell
phone
 service, reaching approximately $750 in 2010,
although
 the average data for residential
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 dropped continuously until the end of
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 investigation, which reached
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
close to $400 in the
last
 year.
Submitted by luoyinjian2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay does not address the given topic related to teenagers and parental work hours but rather discusses a graph about phone services. Make sure to respond directly to the question asked to fulfill the task achievement criterion.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction stating your main argument, body paragraphs that support your argument with examples or explanations, and a conclusion that summarizes your point of view. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to clearly express your ideas. Avoid overly complex or unclear sentences that can confuse the reader.
task response
Provide specific examples or reasons to support your viewpoint on the essay topic, which will make your essay more convincing and fulfilling the task requirements better.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: