IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that stars do not deserve high salaries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stars #salaries
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In
this
 time and era, superstars are seen on
the
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apply
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social media all around the world. The modern generation takes
this
 as the only source of entertainment. Different groups of
nation
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the nation
a nation
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has
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have
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 different perspectives on
this
. A large number of residents
believes
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believe
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 that
,
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apply
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 the high payments given to the actors are unfair to
the
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society
while
, others think that, they are paid
good
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a good
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amount
 of dollars for their
hardwork
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hard work
. I have a balanced
view point
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viewpoint
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss both views.
To begin
 with, millions of dollars are spent on the cinema
industries
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industry
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 in order to make good films and extremely high
amount
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amounts
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to
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for
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the
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celebrities to act in movies and shows.
Although
, the real superstars are the doctors and the teachers.
For example
, a study was conducted between doctors and famous television personalities.
As a result
,
health
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the health
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 care system is not even paid half of the
amount
 earned by notable tribes.
However
, the current generation is getting attracted towards these
proffesions
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professions
 in order to earn name,fame and
luxuarious
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luxurious
 life leaving other jobs aside.
This
 is
empacting
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impacting
 the country
negetively
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negatively
. On the other side, the
view point
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viewpoint
show examples
 shows that
,
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apply
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this
 community is paid for their
hardwork
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hard work
. The path in
this
 area is not easy to achieve. These people need
good
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a good
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amount
 of money in order to look after their families and daily needs.
However
, they complete their education in
this
 field and try hard to act best in movies by staying away from their
childeren
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children
 for months.
For example
,
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a
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the
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a
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 study was done on
the
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apply
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famous
heros
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heroes
, the result
revieled
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revealed
 that, these parents can not give time to their
childeren
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children
 at all
and
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wfich
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which
further
 causes
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a sensation
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sensation
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a sensation
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 of
lonliness
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loneliness
 in these
yongsters
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youngsters
.
Moreover
, to attain
such
a
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apply
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fame and name they have to work under strict calory
defficient
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efficient
 diet and lifestyle.
To conclude
,
government
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the government
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 should invest more money
on
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in
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 educational departments rather than
film making
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filmmaking
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. All the jobs should be provided equally for the work done by them.
Submitted by princyheera on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your score further, focus on developing a clearer and more logical structure within your essay. Try organizing your paragraphs more effectively, ensuring each one centers around a single main idea, which is then elaborated upon with examples and explanations.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, aim to provide more depth and elaboration in your examples. Specific, relevant examples that directly support your argument can vastly improve the effectiveness of your essay. Additionally, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task, offering a balanced discussion and clear personal stance.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for typographical and grammatical errors. While a few errors are understandable, excessive mistakes can distract from your argument and reduce the overall coherence of your essay. Consider reading your essay out loud or using writing tools to catch and correct these errors.
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