IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sport #role #society #leisure #activity
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I have 4 years of experience in the sphere of design, I know what it is to create an interactive, gamification
product
. I take the quality of my work very seriously. I work closely with development and conduct user interviews. I
also
 always try to understand what the user needs and how the
product
 can solve it. I am good at visual design and prototyping. Can you provide an example of a challenging project or task you successfully completed in the past? We were developing a new
product
 - an app for teachers within the company where I worked and we needed to increase MAU metrics to have a full impact on the
product
. It was challenging, but we prioritised the tasks,
identified
Correct word choice
and identified
show examples
 what was missing in our
product
 and how we could promote the
product
. How do you prioritize and manage your workload when faced with multiple deadlines? I highlight the most important tasks for the business. Describe a situation where you had to work as part of a team to achieve a common goal. How did you contribute to the team's success? I am a good team player, as a designer I am responsible for the final look of the products, I do research,
test
Correct word choice
and test
show examples
 different designs and my success is to close the user needs and business desires. How do you handle feedback and criticism from supervisors or colleagues?
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task achievement
The essay provided does not respond to the given prompt about the role of sport in society. It appears to be responses to interview questions related to a professional field, not an essay discussing opinions on sports. Ensure to address the prompt directly, discussing both views presented and your own opinion regarding the importance of sports in society.
coherence cohesion
The text lacks an organized structure typical of an essay, such as an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion summarizing the points made and your stance. To improve, structure your essay with a clear beginning that introduces the topic, followed by separate paragraphs for each viewpoint and your opinion, concluding with a summary of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
There is no coherent argument or discussion on the role of sports in society as required by the prompt. To improve, focus on generating main points that support each view on sports, and ensure these points are clearly outlined in your essay. Use examples relevant to the discussion on sports to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • national unity
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • social change
  • gender equality
  • social integration
  • disadvantaged communities
  • cultural barriers
  • escapism
  • commercialization
  • viewership
  • merchandise sales
  • inclusivity
  • accessibility
  • nationalistic fervor
  • racism
  • marginalization
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