The government's investment in arts, music, and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
It is believed that
government
has been wasting the collected tax Correct article usage
the government
of
Change preposition
from
public
by spending it on art paintings, music and theatre rather officials should consider community services as their priority to investCorrect article usage
the public
on
. I agree to a great extent with the given notion and Change preposition
apply
this
essay will highlight the backing reasons in support of my viewpoint in the subsequent paragraphs.
Diverse points endorse the compelling reasons behind the aforementioned phenomenon. The principal among all is that many impoverished families cannot afford to send their children to schools
so government can play a significant role in such
scenarios. Therefore
, spending on building the
smart Correct article usage
apply
schools
with all modern amenities can help poor children learn and adapt the new technology and in future
these children will serve the nation in all leading fields. Add a comma
future,
Apart from
this
, even if government
has been working on building Add an article
the government
schools
but
still there are Correct word choice
apply
few
remote areas in which there is no provision of Correct article usage
a few
schools
, consequently
, students commute 3-4 hours on daily
basis. In these areas, the availability of internet services can save Correct article usage
a daily
thousand
of hours of school goers to invest Correct your spelling
thousands
on
studies as youngsters would be able to take online classes.
To consolidate my viewpoint, it is often seen that women complain about public toilets. As public toilets are not properly maintained by the local governing bodies which makes them quite Change preposition
in
unhygenic
for Correct your spelling
unhygienic
the
females to use. Correct article usage
apply
Hence
, it becomes the responsibility of higher officials to spend on providing the
well-maintained washrooms to the ladies. Correct article usage
apply
However
, the question that arises here is that
should authorities completely ignore the other components Correct word choice
whether
such
as craft, music and drama?
Certainly not. These elements not only Change the punctuation
.
represents
the identity of Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
brings
diversity among different cultures. Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
For instance
, in India, its traditional folk punjabi
music is being used in numerous Change the capitalization
Punjabi
western
songs with the help of remixing. Capitalize word
Western
Thus
, investing in these form
of Fix the agreement mistake
forms
arts
is equally important.
Fix the agreement mistake
art
To conclude
, it can be inferred that although
different art forms Correct word choice
apply
has
helped the countries to maintain their traditional identities. Well, I still believe that Change the verb form
have
major
chunk of public money should be used in building smart Correct article usage
a major
schools
, providing wireless internet to young ones for online mode of class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
along
with
renovating the toilets for women to make them stinkless.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by navkiranji on
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Task Response
To improve task response, ensure that your examples are directly linked to the question prompt and explore both sides of the argument in a balanced way. While your essay leans towards one perspective, adding more about why some might argue for spending on arts would make your response more comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly and help the reader understand the structure of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clarify the main idea to the reader and make sure that all subsequent sentences in the paragraph directly support that idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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