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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.
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The graph illustrates the change in
proportion
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the proportion
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 of
population
Add an article
the population
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 aged 65 years and above,
specific
Change the word
specifically
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 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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,
Sweden
Use synonyms
, and Japan, from 1940 to 2024
along with
Linking Words
 a projection in 2040. In general, all of the
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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 experienced an upward trend from 1940 to 2024 despite some fluctuations. Those are set to have the same trend as the previous in 2040 with Japan will surpass the other two countries.
Adult
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The adult
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 population in Japan stood
as
Change preposition
at
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the
Change the word
its
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 lowest in 1940 at only 5%. It
then
Linking Words
 hovered from 3 - 5% during 1940 to 2005.
However
Linking Words
, the graph saw an increase after 2005 and will likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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climb to 25%
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of the year presented.
Otherwise
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 started at 7,5% and 9% respectively, becoming the highest and second highest proportion of
adult
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the adult
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 population. American people aged 65 years+ grew to 15% but suddenly it had a pitfall to below 15% in 2020.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, the same trend was found in
Sweden
Use synonyms
's graph until 1980,
however
Linking Words
 when a drop happened in 1990 at 13%, it
then
Linking Words
bounched
Correct your spelling
bounced
 back in 1990 and reached 20% in 2010. Eventually,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 are expected to rise to 22,5% and 25% consecutively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • population aged 65 and over
  • time span
  • initial data points
  • proportions
  • steady increase
  • stagnation
  • decline
  • sharp increase/decrease
  • trends over time
  • fastest growth
  • least change
  • projection
  • predicted proportions
  • societal impacts
  • aging population
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