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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people put their personal information online address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #information #address #telephone #purposes #networks #development
With the advancement of technology, more and more
people
 tend to put their private
information
 on online platforms.
This
 has led to the question of whether it is beneficial to put personal
information
 online. think that, despite the convenience it brings,
people
 should not put their personal
information
. On the one hand, thanks to up-to-date technologies,
people
 can sign up for an account for social networks or online banking. In the past,
people
 had to go to the bank to complete paperwork at an agency and
then
 withdraw money from the bank.
Therefore
,
people
 can access it anywhere without complicated procedures.
In addition
,
people
 don't need to remember too much personal
information
,
instead
, they just touch or use face ID.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages
such
 as the security is not high, the thieves can easily break into bank accounts to steal. Thereby,
this
 becomes a target for
people
 with bad intentions.
Furthermore
, personal accounts can easily mislead. To explain, when
people
 manually enter
information
 into their accounts, they can go wrong without knowing it. In conclusion,
although
 providing personal
information
 makes it convenient for
people
 it has to be done carefully since currently, it still does more harm than good.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Be sure to structure your essay clearly, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each main point, and the conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas smoothly across and within paragraphs, which will enhance the flow of your argument.
Task Achievement
Clearly address the question posed, making sure to discuss both sides of the argument if asked and provide a clear personal standpoint.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your argument. Aim for specificity rather than general statements for a more compelling response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ease of access
  • interconnected
  • communication
  • commerce
  • identity theft
  • privacy invasions
  • digitization
  • fraudulent activities
  • financial losses
  • reliance
  • digital profiles
  • social inequalities
  • cybersecurity measures
  • mitigate
  • digital convenience
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • online validation
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