IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people put their personal information online address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

With the advancement of technology, more and more
people
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 tend to put their private
information
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 on online platforms.
This
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 has led to the question of whether it is beneficial to put personal
information
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 online. think that, despite the convenience it brings,
people
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 should not put their personal
information
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. On the one hand, thanks to up-to-date technologies,
people
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 can sign up for an account for social networks or online banking. In the past,
people
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 had to go to the bank to complete paperwork at an agency and
then
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 withdraw money from the bank.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can access it anywhere without complicated procedures.
In addition
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,
people
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 don't need to remember too much personal
information
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,
instead
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, they just touch or use face ID.
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages
such
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 as the security is not high, the thieves can easily break into bank accounts to steal. Thereby,
this
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 becomes a target for
people
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 with bad intentions.
Furthermore
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, personal accounts can easily mislead. To explain, when
people
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 manually enter
information
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 into their accounts, they can go wrong without knowing it. In conclusion,
although
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 providing personal
information
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 makes it convenient for
people
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 it has to be done carefully since currently, it still does more harm than good.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Be sure to structure your essay clearly, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each main point, and the conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas smoothly across and within paragraphs, which will enhance the flow of your argument.
Task Achievement
Clearly address the question posed, making sure to discuss both sides of the argument if asked and provide a clear personal standpoint.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your argument. Aim for specificity rather than general statements for a more compelling response.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ease of access
  • interconnected
  • communication
  • commerce
  • identity theft
  • privacy invasions
  • digitization
  • fraudulent activities
  • financial losses
  • reliance
  • digital profiles
  • social inequalities
  • cybersecurity measures
  • mitigate
  • digital convenience
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • online validation
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