In some societies the number of crime committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary societies, the escalating rate of crimes committed by

teenagers

has sparked a debate on whether adolescents involved in major

offenses

Change the spelling

offences

show examples

should face

adult

punishments

This

contentious issue demands a nuanced consideration, and

while

I acknowledge the severity of certain crimes, I contend that a one-size-fits-all approach is inappropriate. First of all, it would

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not be fair for

teenagers

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

break important laws to serve the same punishment as

adults

. Many youths do not have the same experience as

adults

and they lack a full understanding of the laws and the judicial process.

As a result

, it would amount to injustice when these ones receive

adults'

Change noun form

adults

show examples

punishments

For example

, it would not be right for a

14 year old

Add a hyphen

14-year-old

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involved in

physical

Add an article

a physical

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assault that endangers the life of his peers to serve the same punishment an

adult

who

commit

Change the verb form

commits

show examples

similar

Correct article usage

a similar

show examples

crime receives.

Thus

, underage lawbreakers should not have the same

punishments

adults

Furthermore

teenagers

who are punished as grownups may be negatively affected. Often,

adults

who break major laws are confined to prison, an act which will have deleterious consequences for young ones, owing to the fact that they could be exposed to other criminal acts by hardened

criminal

Fix the agreement mistake

criminals

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when they are in prison.

For instance

, underage lawbreakers in the United States of America are kept in juvenile correctional facilities to deter them from the undesired influences

from

Change preposition

show examples

adult

criminals.

Therefore

, when youngsters are punished like

adults

, they could be negatively affected by other criminals In conclusion,

while

recognizing the gravity of crimes committed by

teenagers

, I contend that subjecting them to

adult

punishments

is overly punitive and neglects the developmental nuances of adolescence. A more balanced and empathetic approach involves investing in rehabilitation, addressing the underlying causes of delinquency, and fostering positive transformation for the benefit of both the individual and society at large.

Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on Mon Mar 11 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Your essay should present a clear opinion and discuss it thoroughly. Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to make your essay more persuasive and engaging.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, work on making your main points more explicit and directly connected to your thesis statement. Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is well-developed and supported.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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In some societies the number of crime committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some cities create housing areas by providing taller buildings. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land. What solution is better?

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. To what extent do you agree?

Many supermarkets are selling more and more products that are imported from other countries instead of selling food that is locally sourced. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?