The pie charts show the result of survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate

#show #survey #children’s #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

The diagram demonstrates the

survents

Correct your spelling

servants

surveys

servents

opinion about

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

activities that

divided

Add a missing verb

are divided

show examples

based on

Remove the article

apply

show examples

gender into two groups. It is evident from the data that the lead

boys

activity is gaming,

on the other

hand

Add the comma(s)

hand,

show examples

the least preferable one is reading.

However

second

Change the article

the second

show examples

graph shows

opposite

Correct article usage

the opposite

show examples

statistic, and for the

girls

reading is the second favorite way of spending time.

Overall

, it is noticeable that every third boy enjoys playing video games.

Also

important to note that among

boys

the most popular activities are physically active ones. As an example for

Change the article

the previous

show examples

statement is a fact that

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

54% of

boys

prefer sports as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

basketball, soccer and skateboarding. There is a drastic

Correct your spelling

difference

differnce

Correct your spelling

difference

between the most and the least preferable activities, for 32%

gamming

Correct your spelling

gaming

show examples

is more popular than reading It is interesting to note that

girls

like the most to dance and to read. For

approxiametely

Correct your spelling

approximately

19% more

girls

enjoys

Change the verb form

enjoy

show examples

reading books than

boys

. Computer games

enjoys

Change the verb form

enjoy

show examples

16% of little ladys.

Also

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

it can be seen that among

girls

there is no huge gap between different hobbies.

Submitted by dyussenovaanel on Mon Mar 11 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

179 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The pie charts show the result of survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate

nowadays alot of people are able to do their work from home.discuss advantages and disadvantages.

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

Personal Development is the base for professional development and advancing in one's career. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that children at secondary school should be streamed, i.e. taught in classes according to ability, rather than being taught in mixed-ability classes. Do you think the advantages of streaming children outweigh disadvantages

You are due to move into a rented apartment next month but you will not be able to because you have some problems. Write a letter to the landlord. In your letter: •explain your situation •describe your problems •tell him/her when you think you can move in.