IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work fro differnet organisations.Discuss bith the views and give your own opinion.

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It is undeniable
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 employees have long-term trends working at the same
company
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.
However
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, Some
people
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 argue it is better when working with a different
company
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the pros and drawbacks of working same organisation and changing
organisation
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organisations
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 and I believe that working in different organisations is better for career path
growing
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growth
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.
To begin
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 with, the major reasons for
people
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 to work with the same organizations for a long time.
Firstly
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 the
employee
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 comfort when working in the same environment.
Such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
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 and
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 working atmosphere. Some
people
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's opinions are apparent if working with same organisations have more opportunity for promote to leaders position.
Lastly
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, the long term working may offer
additonal
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additional
 incentives for
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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, who have loyalty.
For instance
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, They would
recieve
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receive
 bonuses and extra money from
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company
Add an article
the company
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.
In contrast
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, some
people
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 suggest
to work
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working
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 with various
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company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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, they would make more money and give new opportunities.
For example
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, Nowadays many
people
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 decided to change their
jobs
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for raised
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to raise
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thier
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their
 salary and
improve
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to improve
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 their skills with new
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jobs
Change the noun form
job
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 experiences. One of the best
opportunity
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opportunities
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 for
change
Wrong verb form
changing
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 their
jobs
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 making new connections with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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people
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 in new
jobs
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.
In addition
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, when they wanna changing their
jobs
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, they would improve their
english
Change the capitalization
English
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 qualification score
for
Change preposition
to
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 apply
to
Change preposition
for
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 new
jobs
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.
Thus
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 their English communication skills will
be enhance
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be enhanced
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 too.
This
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 has made him incredibly knowledgeable in a range of related fields and, in my view, has provided him with a much more interesting working life.
To conclude
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,
Although
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 there are benefits to working for one system, it is
also
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 valuable for an
employee
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 to be able to offer a wide range of experience having worked for different companies. If it is planned carefully, change is good and will ultimately benefit the
employee
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 and the employer.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure but could improve in terms of clear paragraphing and transitions between ideas. Consider using more linking phrases and topic sentences that directly relate to the essay's main points for a smoother flow of information.
Task Response
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. Throughout the essay, directly address the task given by discussing both sides of the argument and your own opinion more distinctly to meet the task requirements fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
To raise the coherence and cohesion score, focus on creating more cohesive paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea coherently. Usage of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, for instance) should be varied and accurately applied to demonstrate seamless progression of ideas.
Task Response
Expanding on your examples with more detailed and relevant instances can help improve task achievement. Showing how these examples support your arguments or position can make your response more convincing and comprehensive.
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