Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work fro differnet organisations.Discuss bith the views and give your own opinion.

It is undeniable
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
employees have long-term trends working at the same
company
.
However
, Some
people
argue it is better when working with a different
company
. In
this
essay, I will explain the pros and drawbacks of working same organisation and changing
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
and I believe that working in different organisations is better for career path
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
.
To begin
with, the major reasons for
people
to work with the same organizations for a long time.
Firstly
the
employee
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
comfort when working in the same environment.
Such
as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
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and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
working atmosphere. Some
people
's opinions are apparent if working with same organisations have more opportunity for promote to leaders position.
Lastly
, the long term working may offer
additonal
Correct your spelling
additional
incentives for
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
, who have loyalty.
For instance
, They would
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
bonuses and extra money from
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
.
In contrast
, some
people
suggest
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
with various
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
, they would make more money and give new opportunities.
For example
, Nowadays many
people
decided to change their
jobs
for raised
Change preposition
to raise
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
salary and
improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
show examples
their skills with new
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
experiences. One of the best
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
for
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
their
jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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making new connections with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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people
in new
jobs
.
In addition
, when they wanna changing their
jobs
, they would improve their
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
qualification score
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
apply
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
new
jobs
.
Thus
their English communication skills will
be enhance
Change the verb form
be enhanced
show examples
too.
This
has made him incredibly knowledgeable in a range of related fields and, in my view, has provided him with a much more interesting working life.
To conclude
,
Although
there are benefits to working for one system, it is
also
valuable for an
employee
to be able to offer a wide range of experience having worked for different companies. If it is planned carefully, change is good and will ultimately benefit the
employee
and the employer.
Submitted by kungslowjam on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure but could improve in terms of clear paragraphing and transitions between ideas. Consider using more linking phrases and topic sentences that directly relate to the essay's main points for a smoother flow of information.
Task Response
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. Throughout the essay, directly address the task given by discussing both sides of the argument and your own opinion more distinctly to meet the task requirements fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
To raise the coherence and cohesion score, focus on creating more cohesive paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea coherently. Usage of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, for instance) should be varied and accurately applied to demonstrate seamless progression of ideas.
Task Response
Expanding on your examples with more detailed and relevant instances can help improve task achievement. Showing how these examples support your arguments or position can make your response more convincing and comprehensive.

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