IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #news #events #technology
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It is widely acknowledged that there is a surging number of people who utilize social
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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 to keep in touch with many people in the world and update new
events
. From my personal standpoint, I do believe that social
media
 plays an indispensable part
of
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in
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 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 in today's
wolrd
Correct your spelling
world
. On the one hand, social
media
 offers unparalleled convenience and accessibility when it comes to staying connected with others. Platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram allow users to communicate in
real-time
Correct your spelling
real time
show examples
, regardless of geographical distance.
This
 facilitates the maintenance of relationships and enables individuals to share their lives with others in ways that were not possible before.
Moreover
, social
media
 serves as a powerful tool for staying informed about
news
events
. With the ability to follow
news
 outlets and journalists, users can access a constant stream of updates on current
events
.
Additionally
, social
media
 allows for the rapid dissemination of information, enabling users to share
news
 articles and important updates with their networks.
However
, it is important to acknowledge the disadvantages of social
media
 as well. Privacy concerns, online harassment, and the spread of misinformation are just a few of the issues associated with these platforms.
Furthermore
, excessive use of social
media
 can have negative effects on mental health and productivity. In conclusion,
while
 the advantages of using social
media
 for staying in touch with others and staying informed about
news
events
 are significant, they must be weighed against the potential disadvantages. Ultimately, it is up to individuals to carefully consider how they use social
media
 and to take steps to mitigate any negative effects.
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Task Achievement
To improve on 'Task Achievement', ensure you answer the essay question more directly by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages more clearly, and conclude by directly addressing whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Provide clear, comprehensive ideas supported by specific, relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance 'Coherence and Cohesion' by more clearly structuring your essay. This can be achieved by using a wider range of linking words and clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure the introduction and conclusion are well-defined and reflect your stance on the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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