In many countries, the government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.
The growth of
economy
has been prioritized Add an article
the economy
above all
other issues in many countries. The advantages of this
include its positive impact on individual’s well-being and this
enables citizens to focus on other aspects of their life. Although
,
the improvement in the quality of Remove the comma
apply
education
systems might be neglected, in my opinion, poverty is the most critical crises
that needs to be dealt with.
The consequence of economic development is a rise in the flow of money in the country. Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
As a result
, people’s income will be higher and this
benefits their financial management. Moreover
, since people have no concern over money that have
to cover their basic expenses, they will have more opportunities to manage other factors in life Correct subject-verb agreement
has
such
as building a
strong Correct article usage
apply
relationship
within families. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
For instance
, recently in Bangkok, there was a crime involving a boy who was charged with murder. One of the reasons was his parents had not been able to devote enough time to pay proper attention to him, as they worked extensive hours to make ends meet.
However
, economic growth is a time-consuming process and needs a large amount of fund
, so other problems might not be addressed adequately. Especially, issues that are related to children’s learning Fix the agreement mistake
funds
such
as providing high-quality public learning resources and ensuring low-income students can access to
a greater Change preposition
apply
education
. For example
, many poor communities still have a shortage of public libraries and low-income children can hardly receive opportunities to pursue further
education
in colleges.
In conclusion, prioritizing economic growth has positive effects on the rising
in Replace the word
rise
individual’s
income. Correct article usage
an individual’s
While
other sectors such
as education
problems might not gain adequate attention. Nonetheless
, in my opinion, having enough money to sustain life is more critical than other concerns.Submitted by wow.hihaho on
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task response
Try to formulate a clearer thesis statement in your introduction. This will help set a more defined framework for your discussion on the topic and make your overall argument more compelling.
task response
While you provided relevant examples, try to expand on how these examples specifically support your argument. This could involve discussing the broader implications or offering insights into why these examples are significant in the context of your argument.
task response
Ensure a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages by devoting equal time and depth of analysis to each. This balance is crucial for a well-rounded argument and a higher task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your argument, enhancing the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to achieve a more varied sentence structure to maintain reader interest and reinforce the cohesiveness of your essay. This could mean varying the length and complexity of sentences throughout.