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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#information #technology #aspects #lives #home #leisure #work #activities
In recent times, changes in
the
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apply
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information
technology
has
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have
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 changed drastically.
Technology
 is
Correct article usage
a double
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double edged
Add a hyphen
double-edged
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 sword, it
is having
Wrong verb form
has
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 both a positive and a negative impact
in
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on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
To begin
, most of us are influenced
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the latest information
technology
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
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direct
Replace the word
directly
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 or indirectly.
In other words
, it is
golden
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the golden
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 of
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 era,
firstly
 medical field has
growing
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grown
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 enormously with their latest
live saving
Correct your spelling
life-saving
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technology
.
Secondly
smart
Correct word choice
apply
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phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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is
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are
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 used
as
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for
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 shopping,
payment
Correct word choice
and payment
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 apart from
it
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their
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 initial purpose of communication.
For example
,
whatapp
Correct your spelling
whatsapp
 makes communication around the
global
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globe
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 for free. On top of it,
electric
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an electric
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 car with full
self driving
Add a hyphen
self-driving
show examples
 is like
feather
Add an article
a feather
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 in the cap.
In
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On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, it
support
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supports
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to reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
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 carbon footprint in the environment. Automobile pollution
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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 role in the
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
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 effect.
In addition
, charging EV
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 is
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
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 when compared with fuel price.
Although
 there are many benefits, on the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
technology
as
Correct your spelling
has
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 its own side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society,
current
Add an article
the current
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 generation is smarter than their parents
due to
 their advanced education,
exposure
Correct word choice
and exposure
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 to social media.
For instance
, kids
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
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 to separate wheat and chaff from it. So they fall
as
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apply
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prey to the
technology
.
For example
, The blue whale game challenge
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 shattered many
people
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people's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 in the
last
 decades,
later
Correct word choice
and later
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which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 was banned by many countries around the
global
Replace the word
globe
show examples
.
Subsequently
,
technology
 has deteriorated the mankind's health.
For example
, In
last
Correct article usage
the last
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, couple of decades, people
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 addicted to
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
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. They don't give importance to exercise or family like in the past, which led to the increase in diabetes and blood pressure,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
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 attack cases, which is
root
Add an article
the root
a root
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 cause of
live-threating
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
.
Although
technology
 has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
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 adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society like addiction to
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 and ruining the young generation in online games, it has its own benefits by saving
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 living
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the latest medical field
technology
, improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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, and
pollution free
Correct word choice
creating a polluted
show examples
 environment. I would conclude that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
has out weighted
Verb problem
outweigh
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 the disadvantages.
Submitted by priya.arunagiri on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should outline the essay's argument, the body should explore this in detail, and the conclusion should summarily state your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. This helps the reader understand the structure of your argument more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking words and phrases ('Furthermore', 'However', 'For example') to make the transitions between sentences and paragraphs smoother.
Task Achievement
Directly answer the essay question in the introduction and reiterate your position in the conclusion for a stronger task response.
Task Achievement
Provide a blend of general statements and specific examples to support your arguments. Make sure the examples closely relate to the question's topic to reinforce your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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