Gender imbalance in some occupations is evident. To what extent do you think that it is acceptable?
In light of emphasizing effectiveness and efficiency in work, it is apparent that the proportion of
gender
in certain Use synonyms
domain
, Fix the agreement mistake
domains
such
as early childhood education, marketing and firemen, is distinct. In my opinion, Linking Words
this
phenomenon is appropriate and acceptable Linking Words
although
may cause some controversies on Linking Words
gender
discrimination.
It is ubiquitous knowledge that one of the best ways to maximize one’s talent Use synonyms
Change preposition
in
on
their Change preposition
in
Fix the agreement mistake
job
jobs
is to take advantage Fix the agreement mistake
job
Change preposition
of
from
their natural personality on Change preposition
of
Use synonyms
gender
Change the noun form
genders
such
as emotional sensitivity or sympathy Linking Words
Change preposition
for
on
Change preposition
for
Fix the agreement mistake
females
female
, and strength in power or quick decision making in Fix the agreement mistake
females
Fix the agreement mistake
males
male
. Take early childhood education Fix the agreement mistake
males
for example
, Linking Words
this
job demands both professional knowledge Linking Words
on
education and adequate patience and love Change preposition
of
on
children, which Change preposition
for
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
of value
natural qualities Change preposition
valued
on
Change preposition
for
female
. Fix the agreement mistake
females
As a consequence
, it is easier for Linking Words
female
to be successful Fix the agreement mistake
females
on
Change preposition
in
this
field than Linking Words
male
.
Another benefit comes from different Fix the agreement mistake
males
responsibility
depending on Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
gender
. Use synonyms
As
a female, maternity is inevitable, which Change preposition
For
is mean
at least 3 months Wrong verb form
means
maternity
leave should be given and leaving their position Change preposition
of maternity
on
Change preposition
for
such
Linking Words
long
time is not good for the employer. Correct article usage
a long
As a result
, Linking Words
on
certain essential and highly Change preposition
in
pressure
positions, Wrong verb form
pressured
such
as business leaders and CEO that affect the development of Linking Words
company
directly, the employer would like to choose Correct article usage
the company
male
to take those roles. Fix the agreement mistake
males
This
imbalance in occupations should be treated with kindness toward Linking Words
female
.
Fix the agreement mistake
females
On the other hand
, those who have big ambitions Linking Words
on
career or special qualifies argue that Change preposition
for
the
job Correct article usage
apply
opportunity
should be decided by Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
the
capability Correct article usage
apply
instead
of Linking Words
gender
and Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
gender
discrimination is unacceptable. There is no doubt that fair competition contributes to not only the Use synonyms
health
development of Replace the word
healthy
economy
but Correct article usage
the economy
also
the harmony of society.
Linking Words
Overall
, Linking Words
gender
determines the suitable jobs Use synonyms
in
some extent, and we should comply with Change preposition
to
Linking Words
this
natural rules. Correct determiner usage
these
But
the exception should be considered in some cases.Correct word choice
However
Submitted by 848033678 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the extent to which gender imbalance in occupations is acceptable. A clear thesis statement helps orient the reader.
task achievement
Expand your examples by incorporating more specific details or statistics to strengthen your arguments. Specific examples make your points more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas. This effort will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider balancing your arguments by discussing opposing viewpoints more in-depth before stating your conclusion. This adds depth to your essay and showcases your ability to evaluate different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, aim to more explicitly restate your position and summarize the main points of your argument. This reaffirms your stance and provides a clear closure to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.