IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many parts of the world, some famous people are considered as ‘role models’ and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?

#parts #world #people #‘role #models’ #influence #development
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A majority of
people
 believe that celebrators are considered
as
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apply
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"role models"and they have
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 impact on younger generations.
This
 has led to the question of whether it is good or bad view. I think that, despite the advantages it brings, it still has some disadvantages. On the one hand,
well-know
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well-known
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 persons who are
people
 inspire others,
therefore
, good behaviour can influence
on
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apply
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people
 too much.
Furthermore
, thanks to their popularity and good reputation, it is possible to raise charity funds to help
people
 in difficult circumstances. They are
also
 a symbol of development for youngsters in their life.To explain,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 can follow the example of making money from successful
people
,they want to become more
success
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successful
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 to
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to purchase items they like.
On the other hand
, it still has a bad
influency
Correct your spelling
influence
for
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on
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 young generations.
For instance
, if famous
people
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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wrong behaviour, they can affect youngsters who are following them.
Moreover
, in the era of development,many celebrators are not famous
for
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in
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 a good way, they emerge as a phenomenon or
rumor
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rumour
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,
appear
Correct word choice
and appear
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 on a lot of social platforms like Tik Tok or Youtube, etc
..
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.
...
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This
 causes many damaging effects
such
 as children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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those
Correct determiner usage
apply
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who do not have enough awareness to distinguish between good and bad ,following
to
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apply
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them. In conclusion,
although
 providing many positive
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
,it has to be done carefully since currently, it still does more harm than good.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay is carefully structured, with clear introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions. Present each point in a new paragraph and consider using linking words to improve flow.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas further by providing more specific examples and explanations. When you make a claim, support it with concrete examples or further clarification to make your argument more persuasive.
Language Accuracy
Review grammar and punctuation to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing. Attention to detail in these areas can significantly enhance the overall quality of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • celebrity culture
  • aspirational
  • negative influences
  • unrealistic body images
  • discernment
  • amplifying
  • guidance
  • perceptions
  • activism
  • charity work
  • overshadowing
  • endorsements
  • consumer behavior
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