Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
It is universally acknowledged that if anyone acts against the law, they will be punished by judges. The aim of it is to prevent and
also
avoid
people Verb problem
prevent
to repeat
it, Change preposition
from repeating
however
, in some cases
it has a converse effect. Add a comma
cases,
This
essay will assess the reasons of
Change preposition
for
this
issue,
and Remove the comma
apply
also
proposed
some practical solutions.
It is readily apparent that Wrong verb form
propose
however
, prisons should be as a penalty, it is sources of diverse crimes
. As a result
, it supplies an appropriate bed for learning new crimes
. In the following , criminals, who are in miserable financial situation
, would recognize low punitive of some making money Fix the agreement mistake
situations
crimes
. Also
, prisons are a good way to join criminal’s
networks, too. Change noun form
criminal
Moreover
, anxiety
atmosphere of prisons makes criminals Correct article usage
the anxiety
to
think about revenge. In lieu of blaming themselves, they think that being in prison is Change the verb form
apply
victim’s
Correct article usage
the victim’s
faults
. After that, when they finish punitive, they commit another illegal.
Statistics show that the majority of Fix the agreement mistake
fault
crimes
happen unintentionally through nervous and high-pressure situations. Thus
, there is no need to send them to jail, just some psychological meetings will work for them. In another words
, Replace the adjective
another word
other words
punishment
should be personalized based on people’s statues
. Even thoughCorrect your spelling
status
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
manner cannot be applied for
all of them, so exponential increase in Change preposition
to
punishment
could be an ideal solution. This
kind of punishment
is sentenced according to
their criminal backgrounds. For instance
, if the penalty for first
robbery is 1 month in prison, it will double for Correct article usage
the first
second
robbery and so on.
Correct article usage
the second
To conclude
, some crimes
will happen for every person whom have variety
Correct article usage
a variety
characters
, Change preposition
of characters
therefore
, judges should sentence them considering their precedent. In spite of unintentional crimes
, there are some offenders that illegal has been
a habit Verb problem
apply
for
Change preposition
apply
them
. Doubling the Correct pronoun usage
apply
punishment
can be a useful idea for them to prevent them.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear, logical structure. While your essay contains an introduction, main body, and conclusion, the flow between ideas could be improved for better readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words effectively to improve the connection between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Your response covers the why and the measures to tackle the problem, but more detailed explanations and a wider range of ideas could strengthen your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to support your points. Examples help to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
General Advice
Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and clarity. While your essay presents interesting ideas, clearer expression and adherence to grammatical norms will significantly enhance your writing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example