Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures

It is universally acknowledged that if anyone acts against the law, they will be punished by judges. The aim of it is to prevent and

also

avoid

Verb problem

prevent

show examples

people

to repeat

Change preposition

from repeating

show examples

it,

however

, in some

cases

Add a comma

cases,

show examples

it has a converse effect.

This

essay will assess the reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

issue

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

also

proposed

Wrong verb form

propose

show examples

some practical solutions. It is readily apparent that

however

, prisons should be as a penalty, it is sources of diverse

crimes

As a result

, it supplies an appropriate bed for learning new

crimes

. In the following , criminals, who are in miserable financial

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

, would recognize low punitive of some making money

crimes

Also

, prisons are a good way to join

criminal’s

Change noun form

criminal

show examples

networks, too.

Moreover

anxiety

Correct article usage

the anxiety

show examples

atmosphere of prisons makes criminals

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

think about revenge. In lieu of blaming themselves, they think that being in prison is

victim’s

Correct article usage

the victim’s

show examples

faults

Fix the agreement mistake

fault

show examples

. After that, when they finish punitive, they commit another illegal. Statistics show that the majority of

crimes

happen unintentionally through nervous and high-pressure situations.

Thus

, there is no need to send them to jail, just some psychological meetings will work for them. In

another words

Replace the adjective

another word

other words

show examples

punishment

should be personalized based on people’s

statues

Correct your spelling

status

show examples

. Even though

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

this

manner cannot be applied

for

Change preposition

show examples

all of them, so exponential increase in

punishment

could be an ideal solution.

This

kind of

punishment

is sentenced

according to

their criminal backgrounds.

For instance

, if the penalty for

first

Correct article usage

the first

show examples

robbery is 1 month in prison, it will double for

second

Correct article usage

the second

show examples

robbery and so on.

To conclude

, some

crimes

will happen for every person whom have

variety

Correct article usage

a variety

show examples

characters

Change preposition

of characters

show examples

therefore

, judges should sentence them considering their precedent. In spite of unintentional

crimes

, there are some offenders that illegal

has been

Verb problem

apply

show examples

a habit

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. Doubling the

punishment

can be a useful idea for them to prevent them.

Submitted by TUTOO on Tue Mar 12 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure the essay has a clear, logical structure. While your essay contains an introduction, main body, and conclusion, the flow between ideas could be improved for better readability.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use linking words effectively to improve the connection between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of your essay.

Task Achievement

Fully address all parts of the task. Your response covers the why and the measures to tackle the problem, but more detailed explanations and a wider range of ideas could strengthen your essay.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to support your points. Examples help to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.

General Advice

Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and clarity. While your essay presents interesting ideas, clearer expression and adherence to grammatical norms will significantly enhance your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many cities an increasing number of people don't know their neighbors and they seems no longer develop any sense of community. 1 analysis the main reasons 2 what measures can be taken to improve this?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourist as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-managed. what are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?