IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to solve traffic and transportation problems is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #transportation #people #cities #suburbs #countryside
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One school of thought holds that persuading citizens to stay in city areas
instead
 of the countryside is the most sufficient method to eliminate
traffic
 and transportation issues.
While
 I accept that the perception is somewhat justified, I believe that there are other factors that authorities should consider. On the one hand, it is understandable why
people
 are advised to live in the city centre rather than other places. First and foremost, living in a metropolis might diminish the
traffic
 congestion.
For example
, the local
people
 easily walk or cycle to their daily destinations nearby,
such
 as schools, supermarkets, or workplaces, thereby reducing
traffic
 on the streets
as well as
 decreasing the possibility of accidents.
Furthermore
, urban living could encourage the development of public transit.
This
 is because, an increase in residents means that buses or subways are introduced to serve them, which could not only lower the cost of travelling but
also
 decrease the amount of released fumes into the air that results in many serious respiratory issues
such
 as lung cancer.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons why governing bodies should be aware of urban residing promotion. One rationale is that
this
 opinion could exacerbate existing issues in cities. In fact, settling in town leads to overcrowding and pollution, which could put a heavy burden on
traffic
 infrastructure when they can not afford the huge travel demands of various commuters. Another justification is that the motivation of dwelle in
metropolis
Add an article
the metropolis
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 might cause negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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certain low-class
people
.
For instance
, the enormous cost incurred by extending roads or establishing more public transportation would put a strain on government coffers, thereby leading to budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare.
As a result
, ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, would struggle more to make ends meet. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that encouraging
people
 to live in urban areas could solve the transportation problems, I would contend that authorities should take its drawbacks into consideration.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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task achievement
Consider developing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that strongly indicates your position. This will guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Although your essay presents arguments for both viewpoints, ensuring a balanced development of each point will strengthen your response. Work on expanding your ideas with more detailed explanations or specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by using more varied and clear transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas. This will help in making the progression of your argument more apparent and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points more convincingly, integrate a wider range of examples and evidence. These should be relevant and detailed, enhancing your argument's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay to ensure an obvious and well-developed introduction and conclusion are present. These sections should encapsulate your main arguments and the stance you are taking, making the essay's purpose clear from the beginning to the end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban sprawl
  • public transport infrastructure
  • commutes
  • residential density
  • ecological footprint
  • overcrowding
  • urban planning
  • car-sharing
  • traffic management
  • rural preservation
  • transportation policies
  • electric vehicles
  • sustainable living
  • incentivize
  • telecommuting
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