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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table below shows the participation of people over 15 in selected sports and physical recreation activities by gender in Australia during peroid 2011-12.

The table below shows the participation of people over 15 in selected sports and physical recreation activities by gender in Australia during peroid 2011-12.
#participation #people #sports #recreation #activities #gender #australia #peroid
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The given chart illustrates the
number
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 of people aged over 15 who took part in selected sports and physical recreation activities by gender in Australia during the period 2011-12.
Overall
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 it can be seen that
,
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apply
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 football and swimming were the most popular sport for
boys
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 and
girls
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 respectively,
whereas
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 tennis was the least favoured one for both genders.
Besides
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, more females than males chose swimming, skiing, and hiking,
while
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 the opposite was true for the remaining.
To begin
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 with, there were almost 70
boys
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 who took part in football
whereas
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 the
number
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 of
girls
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 was one-third of that of
boys
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.
Next,
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nearly 60 males opted for cycling
whereas
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 40 females joined in
this
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 sport. Regarding swimming, the
number
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 of female
participants
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 was 53, 5
participants
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 more than that of males. Moving on to the other categories, the
number
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 of
girls
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 who took part in skiing and hiking was higher 2
participants
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 than of
boys
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 being involved in these types of activities.
In particular
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, there were 27 and 25 female
participants
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 who joined in skiing and hiking respectively.
Lastly
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, about 25
boys
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 participated in tennis and 19
participants
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 were
girls
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.
Submitted by lethithut123 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, boys, girls, participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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