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Band 7.5

The table below shows the participation of people over 15 in selected sports and physical recreation activities by gender in Australia during peroid 2011-12.

The table below shows the participation of people over 15 in selected sports and physical recreation activities by gender in Australia during peroid 2011-12.
#participation #people #sports #recreation #activities #gender #australia #peroid
The given chart illustrates the
number
 of people aged over 15 who took part in selected sports and physical recreation activities by gender in Australia during the period 2011-12.
Overall
 it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 football and swimming were the most popular sport for
boys
 and
girls
 respectively,
whereas
 tennis was the least favoured one for both genders.
Besides
, more females than males chose swimming, skiing, and hiking,
while
 the opposite was true for the remaining.
To begin
 with, there were almost 70
boys
 who took part in football
whereas
 the
number
 of
girls
 was one-third of that of
boys
.
Next,
nearly 60 males opted for cycling
whereas
 40 females joined in
this
 sport. Regarding swimming, the
number
 of female
participants
 was 53, 5
participants
 more than that of males. Moving on to the other categories, the
number
 of
girls
 who took part in skiing and hiking was higher 2
participants
 than of
boys
 being involved in these types of activities.
In particular
, there were 27 and 25 female
participants
 who joined in skiing and hiking respectively.
Lastly
, about 25
boys
 participated in tennis and 19
participants
 were
girls
.
Submitted by lethithut123 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, boys, girls, participants with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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