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Band 4

The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity.

The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity.
#process #water #electricity
The illustration displays the hydro-electric power process.
Overall
, the
hydro-eletric
Correct your spelling
hydroelectric
 power relies on fresh
water
 only. The
recycle
Change the form of the verb
recycling
show examples
of
water
 is essential to the process.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it is
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 to build
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
dam
 in order to store enough amount of
water
 in the reservoir for the whole process. Fresh
water
 comes from the rain. The
sea
Correct your spelling
seawater
show examples
water
 evaporates
due to
 the heat from the sun, leaving the salt behind.
First
Add a comma
First,
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 the
rain
Correct your spelling
rainwater
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water
 is collected in the reservoir built at the side of the mountain, using
this
 location to help the flow of
water
. On the other side of the
damn
Add a comma
damn,
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 there is a valve which is
use
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used
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 to
controlled
Change the form of the verb
control
show examples
 the
water
 in the
dam
 to flow in the system by the time they open it. Fresh
water
 from the
dam
 will be sent to the turbine first to create the
movementum
Correct your spelling
movement
momentum
 of the
chrage
Correct your spelling
charge
 and
then
 converted
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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into electricity. The electricity will
tranfer
Correct your spelling
transfer
 along the high voltage cables to the transformer station. The transformer will
sent
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send
be sent
show examples
 the electricity to
school
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schools
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,
hospital
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hospitals
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 and for household usage through the underground cables. The
water
 in the turbine , after it already
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
 energy, will be sent to the pump to pump it back to the
dam
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, dam with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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