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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that a crime is result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both view

#people #crime #poverty #person #nature
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Perhaps, there is no topic of controversy in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary
society
Use synonyms
 worth debating as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 matter of social issues. Indeed, people's views differ greatly as to whether criminal behaviour is the result of natural nature or is
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the outcome of poverty and problems in
society
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I shall discuss both views from
with
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 my opinion about
this
Linking Words
 matter shall be formed. To start with, I have to concede that committing a crime derives from an individual's personality traits.
In particular
Linking Words
, criminal activities are merely a result of a person's impulsive actions and the lack of moral compass. First and foremost,
along with
Linking Words
other factor
Change the wording
another factor
other factors
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such
Linking Words
 as upbringing environment, personal beliefs or anti-social psychology, which leads to quickly stimulates violent action.
For instance
Linking Words
, some people live in an environment where illegal behaviour is considered normal, which causes a wrong perception that these are socially acceptable behaviours.
Moreover
Linking Words
, If some individuals have mental disorders, they will desire to commit crimes
due to
Linking Words
 the feeling of satisfaction. What I want to rebut,
however
Linking Words
, is that social problems and economic hardship may play a vital role in promoting criminal conduct.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the large
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gap between the rich and the poor will lead to higher crime rates among the collar - blue. Limitations on approaching rations, clothing, household, education and medical services can motivate the citizens to
brink
Correct article usage
the brink
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 of despair and push them to commit crimes
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
in such
show examples
 a way for them to survive. Apart from that, socioeconomic issues
such
Linking Words
 as racial discrimination and inequality are
also
Linking Words
 causes of
this
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 phenomenon. By discriminating against or experiencing inequality, they will opt for breaking the law as a way to protect themselves and take revenge on
society
Use synonyms
. In sum, it is still a matter of deliberation as to whether
society
Use synonyms
 issues. Yet, I take preference in the idea of the dealler
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 crime as the result of social problems and poverty because of lack of education.
Submitted by ducanh99.study on

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Coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure your essay has a clear logical structure that flows from introduction through main points to conclusion. Use linking words effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, aim for a more complete response by fully discussing both views and your opinion with clear, comprehensive ideas. Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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