🔶Nowadays more and more business meetings and business trainings are taking place online. 🔸Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It has been observed that , in
modern
era Add an article
the modern
due to
the further
advancing
and Replace the word
advancement
improve
of medical care Replace the word
improvement
people
are living much more
longer Change the word
apply
as well
as
Correct word choice
apply
lifeline
of Fix the agreement mistake
lifelines
people
have also
increased. If questioned , I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks as there are several pros comparing
to Wrong verb form
compared
cons
. My position is Correct article usage
the cons
further
elaborate
in the upcoming paragraphs with appropriate examples and valid reasons.
Discussing the benefits the first and foremost Change the form of the verb
elaborated
arguement
is that , if folks get to live more Correct your spelling
argument
then
they can support their family more and provide money for the next generation. For instance
, there are many cases in which the only worker in a family dies due to
certain
disease Correct article usage
a certain
whose's
cure Unnecessary verb
whose
in
not yet developed. So that family comes to footpath Correct your spelling
is
due to
this
. Hence
, if medical facilities are developing
Wrong verb form
developed
then
numerous families can avoid this
type of situation.
Following
this
, of
individuals live much Correct your spelling
if
more
longer they can even contribute to their nation . As they will work for numerous years as they don't have any Change the word
apply
life threating
disease. In Add a hyphen
life-threating
this
way
a majority of Add a comma
way,
people
will do work and that can help to develop a nation as there are more number of folks working . Therefore
, ultimately public can also
contribute to one's country by making it more and more advance
if they live longer.
Correct word choice
advanced
However
, a lot of people
believe that there are also
some disadvantages related to it . To begin
with , if people
are becoming fit and fine due to
medical care then
there would be increase
in population and the natural resources and ecosystem can be damaged. Add an article
an increase
For example
, according to
a survey the
deforestation has Correct article usage
apply
been
increased in the Unnecessary verb
apply
last
5 years by 20% . So , it is dangerous to wildlife as well as
to humansRephrase
apply
also
.
To sum up
, despite having few dismerits
there are Correct your spelling
demerits
lot
of merits of Change the article
a lot
this
statement. So I fully believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages like supporting the family and helping the nation of this
viewpoint.Submitted by akshayashvi07 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses the given topic from the start. The introduction missed the question's focus on online business sessions.
Task Achievement
Work on developing clear, concise thesis statements that directly respond to the task. Your introduction should include a thesis reflecting the essay's stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
Improve the relevance of your examples and explanations to the specific topic at hand. Focus on the advantages and disadvantages of online business meetings and trainings, rather than a general discussion on medical advancements and longevity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and paragraphs. Words and phrases like 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'however', and 'consequently' can improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop a clear logical structure by organizing your essay into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This structure helps readers follow your argument more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a concluding paragraph to succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your stance. A strong conclusion reinforces your argument and leaves a lasting impression.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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