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Band 3

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would be benefit both the individual teenagers and society as awhole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #benefit #society #awhole
Nowadays, most of
work
Add an article
the work
show examples
 is paid and
teenagers
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their days off or after
scool
Correct your spelling
school
,
also
, in the summer.
However
, I noticed that some
teenagers
 do
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 which is unpaid. Actually, I do not think that adolescents must be required to do unpaid labour.
By
Change preposition
For
show examples
 the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our country is free, they can do what they want,
all
Correct word choice
and all
show examples
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
their
Add a missing verb
have their
show examples
 own right to vote.
Additionally
, by being
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
 they do not have any profit and I guess,
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 majority of adolescents get to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 they need some pocket money or even
for supporting
Change preposition
to support
show examples
 a family.
In addition
 to
this
, most
teenagers
 do not have enough time just for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
this
 study. In my opinion, teenage time is the best period for studying, learning something new, improve your knowledge in certain
sphere
Fix the agreement mistake
spheres
show examples
.
By contrast
,
while
teenagers
 do unpaid work, they can find their own way and future profession.
By
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
 point, I think, that volunteering is
really
Add an article
a really
show examples
 useful activity for young people. Even,
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 will not be their future job, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 have exciting
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
,
furthermore
, they understand that earning money is hard.
In addition
, most young people, find volunteering
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fascinating.
Moreover
, having
internship
Correct article usage
an internship
show examples
 can be beneficial for getting
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 university. In conclusion, I would like to say that, having
probation
Correct article usage
a probation
show examples
 period is
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
useful in
individualistic
Correct article usage
an individualistic
show examples
 and
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 way.
Likewise
, I can say that there are more benefits
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Focus on clarifying your position throughout the essay. Your introduction should clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement. The body paragraphs should then consistently support this stance with clear arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by organizing your essay more logically. Start with an introduction, follow with body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, and conclude with a summary. Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Introduce supporting points more effectively in your arguments. When presenting a point, follow it with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve the overall readability. Correct spelling mistakes, punctuation errors, and ensure proper sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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