The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many
people
argue, that smartphones should be banned in public places, the same way as smoking. I completely disagree with this
statement.
In the first instance, the usage of phones and smoking have a few differences. When someone burns a cigarette it affects not only their lungs,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
causes the
damage to Correct article usage
apply
people
who surround them. In comparison, the devises
don'Replace the word
devices
t
have such
powerful
effect, Correct article usage
a powerful
due to
they don't
contain harmful chemicals, as a cigarette does. It known for long
time, that smoking is Change the article
a long
main
reason that causes cancer, but a lot of folks can'Add an article
the main
t
refuse from
it, because of dependence, which they produced over the years. Indeed, older Change preposition
apply
people
blame phones for all the problems. However
, young adults can manage their screen time, what we can't
be said
aboutWrong verb form
say
the
elderly smokers Correct article usage
apply
whom
can'Correct pronoun usage
who
t
stay from
tobacco, simply because of nicotine addiction.
That being said, the smartphones have much more advantages than disadvantages. Rephrase
away from
Firstly
, you have an endless way to connection
with your loved ones, even if there is a long distance Replace the word
connect
between
. Correct pronoun usage
between them
Secondly
, the Internet opens us a
whole world of opportunities and technology. In Change preposition
to a
Correct article usage
the modern
modern
world, a lot of Correct article usage
the modern
people
work through Correct article usage
apply
the
handy devices. Correct article usage
apply
Besides
, phones help us in reading
books, Wrong verb form
read
attending
lectures and meetings, Wrong verb form
attend
listening
to Wrong verb form
listen
favourite
groups and Correct pronoun usage
our favourite
entertaining
.
Wrong verb form
entertain
For instance
, language learning is not limited anymore. You literally can have a lesson anytime and anywhere, due to
modern developments and mobility. Teachers can be found on different platforms and teach you any desirable language.
In the end, I will say that the
smartphones can'Correct article usage
apply
t
be cancelled as smoking, due to
two main factors: the advantages of devices and obvious
and enormous harm of nicotine.Correct article usage
the obvious
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and briefly mentions the points you will discuss. This will provide a roadmap for your argument and improve the logical structuring of your essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence of your essay, use a range of cohesive devices effectively. This includes transition words like "However," "Firstly," and "Secondly," but also consider more varied expressions to enhance readability.
task achievement
Your task achievement is good as you clearly express your disagreement with the statement and back your opinion with arguments. To further improve, make sure every paragraph contributes directly to defending your stance, avoiding information that could be seen as tangential or less directly related.
task achievement
Including specific examples to back your arguments strengthens your essay. While you've done this to an extent, providing more detailed scenarios or citing research could make your argumentation even more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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