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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #sales #three #items #bakery #year #summarise #features #comparisons
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In
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2014, the graph presents information about the number of
sales
Use synonyms
 with
assemble
Wrong verb form
assembled
show examples
purchased
Replace the word
purchases
show examples
 of three things in
bakery
Add an article
the bakery
a bakery
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that there were fluctuations in both
bread
Use synonyms
 and buns.
While
Linking Words
 the
bread
Use synonyms
 reached its summit of approximately 70
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 us
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
, the
bread
Use synonyms
 peaked at around 80
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 us
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, an opposite trend is found in pies which reported a
modestly
Change the adverb
modest
show examples
 increase in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
. Focusing on the report in
bread
Use synonyms
 80 thousand us
dollar
Use synonyms
 sole
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the years.
In between
Change preposition
Between
show examples
 January and
March
Add a comma
March,
show examples
 the graph
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
significantly
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 40
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 us
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
, the
bread
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 fluctuate dramatically for a moment. In the
last
Linking Words
 quarter of the
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
, the figure has
skyrocket
Wrong verb form
skyrocketed
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 around double
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
sales
Use synonyms
 from September. Turning to bunds, it is obvious that in the first period of the
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between January to
Apirl
Correct your spelling
April
 there was a
substantially
Change the adverb
substantial
show examples
 rise;
next,
Linking Words
the number of
sales
Use synonyms
was stay
Change the verb form
stayed
show examples
 at the same level at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
constand
Correct your spelling
constant
 rate. Unfortunately, there was a plummet from July to December.
Submitted by fahsaichumteerathum on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, bread, dollar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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