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Band 2.5

Some believe technology has made our lives too complex and the solution is to lead a simpler life without technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #technology #lives #life
Technology
 has complicated our lives
excessive
Change the word
excessively
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some
people
 argue the solution to
this
 problem is to simplify one's lifestyle by reducing reliance on the
technology
. I completely disagree with
this
 opinion Admittedly
Technology
undermining
Wrong verb form
undermines
show examples
 human social interaction
for example
 nowadays a lot of children
checking
Wrong verb form
check
show examples
 their phone
feed
Fix the agreement mistake
feeds
show examples
 at dinner time or
employees
Rephrase
when employees
show examples
receiving
Wrong verb form
receive
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. Constant phone calls rather
over
Correct word choice
than over
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 to talk with their parents. Another reason loss of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
. Today
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modernity
Replace the word
modern
show examples
technology
 replaced a lot of
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 job places because the work is done by robots which in the
pass
Correct your spelling
past
show examples
this
 job to do by
people
 I
However
 believe that
technology
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
easy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
our lives. The primary
people
 can
focusing
Change the verb form
focus
be focusing
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 more important things in their lives.
In other words
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in the past
people
 most of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 time spent cleaning their own homes nowadays
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 assumed
this
 obligation and
allowing
Wrong verb form
allows
show examples
people
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
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 their time on themselves or earning money.
Besides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
technology
 helped
people
o
Correct your spelling
to
rounded
Wrong verb form
round
show examples
 miac period
thus
.
Thus
 have
also
 proved reliable communication in times of emergency
such
 as global pandemics or natural disasters like
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
tsunamis. Which helps maintain correspondence regardless of the circumstances In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 leading
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 simpler life without
technology
 may work for some individuals but for most
people
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 more comfortable using
technology
 mindfulness and intentionally.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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Task Achievement
Develop a clear introduction by outlining your stance and summarizing your main points. This will set a strong foundation for your essay.
Task Achievement
Improve your conclusion by summarizing your arguments succinctly and restating your position. This will give your essay a strong finish.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all parts of your essay are logically connected. Transition phrases can help.
Coherence and Cohesion
For greater cohesion, structure your paragraphs so each begins with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph's main idea. Support this with examples or explanations.
General
Use more varied sentence structures and precise vocabulary to clearly express your views and support your arguments. This will also enhance readability.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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