Music has always been and continues to be the universal language of mankind. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Music
has been a
crutiall
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
tool in history
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
culture exchange and international communication, and it will constantly
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
its role in time to come.
Therefore
, I agree with the statement
wholeheartly
Correct your spelling
wholeheartedly
.
People
have been using
music
to convey messages and
share
values in various global events for
centries
Correct your spelling
centuries
show examples
. As an indispensable representation of art,
music
carries important messages
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
different occasions.
For example
, the hosting country of the Olympic Games has been playing their other local
music
in the
Openning
Correct your spelling
Opening
Ceremony for decades, in order to express their welcome and display their culture to the world.
Additionally
, well-known artists have been invited to perform for the World Cup to
share
the core value of collaboration through their
music
.
Music
will serve as a bridge connecting individuals together in the future as it does not require specific skills to sense or understand. Conventional
way
Change the noun form
ways
show examples
of
comminucation
Correct your spelling
communication
such
as writing and speaking require a wide range of vocabulary of the according language.
However
,
people
are able to
share
common feelings and emotions from
music
without barriers of educational level.
Such
non-verbal connection brings listeners closer.
Furthermore
, some songs can even unite
people
even if they are far from each other. National songs,
for example
, always raise the sense of belonging from the bottom of one's heart
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
reminds
Correct subject-verb agreement
remind
show examples
people
of their homeland.
To conclude
,
music
may carry messages on various themes and deliver diverse
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
to the world, bringing different values and history. It is
also
easier for
people
from distinguished backgrounds to
share
the same information and emotion through
music
, which brings them closer
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
language limitations.
Therefore
,
music
will continue to be the universal bond of all mankind.
Submitted by lizixuan555 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed with specific examples. While you've provided examples like the Olympic Games and World Cup, further details or more varied examples could enrich the essay further.
coherence cohesion
Continue to maintain clear paragraphing with specific topic sentences as you have done. This greatly aids coherence and cohesion.
general
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy (e.g., 'crucial' instead of 'crutiall', 'centuries' instead of 'centries'). Frequent errors can hinder the reader's understanding and affect your score.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen the introduction and conclusion, ensure the thesis statement in the introduction summarizes the main points, and the conclusion reinforces them without introducing new ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: