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Band 4

The table compares age, average of per individual’s salary, and population poverty in three states in the US.

The table compares age, average of per individual’s salary, and population poverty in three states in the US.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the table is that the most average income is in
California
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. Most
teenager
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teenagers
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 prefer to live in Utal,
while
Linking Words
 in
Florida
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, there is the largest proportion of elderly
people
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. Another interesting point is that the biggest difference is between
Florida
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 and
Utal
Correct your spelling
Utah
 for elderly
people
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 living. Moving to a more detailed analysis, in Utal, it represent the largest percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young individuals, at 28%,
while
Linking Words
 elderly
people
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 have the lowest figure, at 8%. Young humans of
figure
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the figure
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 are equally in
California
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 and
Florida
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 accounting for almost 17%. Elderly
people
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 who live in
Florida
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 contribute 23%,
while
Linking Words
 those in
California
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 contribute 13% to the table. With regard to average income and
population
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 poverty,
average
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the average
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 salary is
equally
Change the word
equal
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 for
California
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 and
Florida
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Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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, at 23000 and 22000 dollars respectively,
as well as
Linking Words
 the poorest individuals
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in
California
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 and
Florida
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, at merely over 15% and less than 15% in turn. The remaining
population
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 constitutes a tenth of the total
population
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according to
Linking Words
Utal
Correct article usage
the Utal
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population
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words california, florida, people, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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