IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#aim #science #people
Currently, there is a growing belief that
science
 should aim to enhance the quality of society's
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 as
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 primary goal. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 thesis and strongly believe that an improvement in knowledge can
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
show examples
a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
better life conditions
a better life condition
show examples
life
 conditions
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals. Naturally,
science
 is solving the unsolved and answering the unanswered. Research in various
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
, including
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
, engineering, architecture, etc, allows
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
researchers to understand our world better.
Furthermore
, the researchers will use the knowledge they gain to solve problems we currently have,
hence
 contributing to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 a better
life
.
For example
,
people
 were forced to integrate
"new
Correct article usage
the "new
show examples
 normal" into their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 during
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
. At that time, we were requested to do social distancing and reduce movement, which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 inconvenient to most
people
.
However
, the development of vaccines by
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 allowed us to finish the outbreak earlier, so
people
 can do their normal routines. Another example is how the development in engineering
also
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 convenience in our everyday
life
. The invention of
plane
Add an article
the plane
a plane
show examples
 through complex calculations by
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 allows
people
 to travel from one part of the world to another part in an effective and efficient way. Another example is the development of various materials
let
Verb problem
that allow
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to innovate in various construction, including bridges and high-rise
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
. Social sciences in architecture
also
 contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 improving occupants' general health and well-being. These cases
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
 how
science
improving
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
 the quality of our daily
life
. In conclusion,
science
 is an important aspect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 that
influencing
Wrong verb form
influences
show examples
 every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 of our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, from health to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, socially and economically.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
researchers and scientists should utilise
science
 to improve
individual's
Change noun form
individual
show examples
 well-being.
Submitted by giskaayprd on

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coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward sentences that disrupt the flow of your essay. Focus on sentence structure and avoid common mistakes to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
The introduction could be clearer and more direct in stating your thesis. Consider rephrasing it for more impact.
task achievement
You've used relevant examples, which is great. However, further elaboration on how these examples support your main point could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles, as these minor errors slightly undermine the professionalism of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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