IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows expectations for change of European young people in the next 20 years in five different areas. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows expectations for change of European young people in the next 20 years in five different areas. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the prediction of what will improve or get worse in young European society in the next 20 years in 5 different categories, which are health, air
quality
Use synonyms
, water
quality
Use synonyms
, food
quality
Use synonyms
, and people communication.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 communication will be better in the next generation.
Whereas
Linking Words
, air
quality
Use synonyms
 and water
quality
Use synonyms
 will
getting
Change the form of the verb
get
show examples
bad
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
 in the next 20 years.
According
Add the preposition
According to
show examples
 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
chart, health could
be improve
Change the verb form
be improved
show examples
 with around 40%.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 could be getting bad with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
55%
of get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 worse.
Also
Linking Words
, in the next 20
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the air
quality
Use synonyms
 could be the worst with 70% of the expectation to be worse.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 communication has a chance to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
improve with 60%
of increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, water
quality
Use synonyms
 can be bad in the next two
decade
Fix the agreement mistake
decades
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 the proportion of 70 will get worse and the slightly 40% will improve.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 food
quality
Use synonyms
 will be around 50% to be better and
also
Linking Words
 50% to get poor in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 next 20-year time.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words quality with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "improve" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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