Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Now days technology is
one
of the most people use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
one
of the
tool
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tools
show examples
that damage
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our society, yet others say that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
vital to every human behaviour. In my point of view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
strongly agree that
violence
on
televion
Correct your spelling
television
and
computer
games is affecting
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
.
Firstly
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
modern
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
every
hourse
Correct your spelling
house
hold has a
televion
Correct your spelling
television
and a
computer
. Some
family they
Replace the word
families
show examples
use watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
as
one
of their activity
for building
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to build
show examples
up more
bond
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bonds
show examples
between
such
as
mother
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mothers
show examples
, daughters and sons. The issue here,
when
Add a missing verb
is when
show examples
they watch
movie
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
together. They can watch
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
movies.
This
can damage their brain
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the children when they see it. The television
manipulate
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manipulates
show examples
to do it.
For instance
, some kids at school
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad behaviour why?
this
is caused by the television.
Secondly
,
computer
games
also
has
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have
show examples
a big role in ruining
children
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children's
show examples
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
not them and
adult
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adults
show examples
as well because they
acess
Correct your spelling
access
to the new
technoloy
Correct your spelling
technology
that has portable to carry
arround
Correct your spelling
around
and because of
this
they can have free time to watch
movie
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
on a
computre
Correct your spelling
computer
game
or to play a
violence
game
.
For example
,
one
of my
cousin
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cousins
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
to be a good kid when he was growing up without a
televion
Correct your spelling
television
. He used to live
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
the outer island which place as no
televion
Correct your spelling
television
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
computer
. When he came to the city and that
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
he started to act
violence
Replace the word
violently
show examples
. Why? he
copy
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copies
show examples
from the
televion
Correct your spelling
television
and
computer
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. He
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
that
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
action is a good thing. In conclusion, watching
televion
Correct your spelling
television
and
computre
Correct your spelling
computer
game
is
Verb problem
play
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
big role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
influencing
kid
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kids
show examples
and adults and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe
this
is the most serious
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
in the community
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if the government focus
to resolve
Change preposition
on resolving
show examples
this
problem by
find
Change the form of the verb
finding
show examples
a channel to watch on
televion
Correct your spelling
television
and
to monitor
Change the verb form
monitoring
show examples
the
computer
game
. I think it will help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and there will be no more
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
.
Submitted by riemwatokateti on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure: an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one main idea supported by explanations or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to succinctly state your opinion and summarize your main points without being repetitive. Make sure they are distinct and complete.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with relevant and specific examples. While you mentioned personal observations, more specific, real-world examples or studies would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Focus on clarity and precision in your writing. Avoid general statements and be specific in your claims and the support you provide for them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation. Consider practicing sentence structure and using a variety of complex sentences to make your essay more engaging and easier to read.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • emotional and psychological development
  • impair
  • empathy
  • contributing factor
  • distinction
  • fiction and reality
  • mature audiences
  • reflective
  • prevalence
  • societal issues
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