IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows the water levels of 6 cities in Australia in October 2009 and October 2010

The chart shows the water levels of 6 cities in Australia in October 2009 and October 2010
#water #levels #cities #australia #october
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Part 1
Given the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 bar chart reveals the
water
 levels of 6 cities in Australia: Darwin, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth and Canberra from October 2009 to October 2010.
Overall
, it is evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
water
level
 in Canberra
in
Change the preposition
on
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 October 10 was the most high
level
 of
water
 in all other cities with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 percentage of around 100. By comparing the given data, it can be observed that Darwin's
water
storage
 decreased considerably from 45% to nearly 30%. One of the highest
rise
Change to a plural noun
rises
show examples
 in
storage
 capacity can
also
 observed in Perth by 20% respectively. Another interesting fact is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Brisbane's
water
level
 capacity did not go through any change.
In addition
,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
8
Correct article usage
an 8
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 decrease, Melbourne became the only city with the lowest
water
storage
 capacity out of the other five countries. One of the highest
water
level
Change to a plural noun
levels
show examples
 was in Sydney with
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase from 75% to 82%. Canberra city records the highest
level
 of
water
storage
 increase
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
22
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. (159 words)
Submitted by g4832525 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, level, storage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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