The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The picture illustrates the manufacturing process for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
production starting
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
sugar
cane.
Overall
, the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
sugar
production contains seven steps, beginning with the growing of
sugar
cane and eventually completing
after
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the drying and cooling process.
To begin
with, the manufacture of
sugar
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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from the planting of the raw material,
sugar
canes, which take 12 to 18
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
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to grow before they can be harvested. After the
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
Add a missing verb
is harvest
show examples
harvest
Replace the word
harvested
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by
automation
Replace the word
automated
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machine or manpower
from
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apply
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, they are sent to the factory and crushed into juice.
Then
, there is the
filteration
Correct your spelling
filtration
process, delivering
purifyed
Correct your spelling
purified
juice with
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
show examples
filter. Following the evaporating
step
, turning juice into syrup by heating up, and the centrifuging
step
which is
mean
Wrong verb form
meant
show examples
to
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
sugar
crystals from syrup, it
finally
comes to the
last
part of the
sugar
production - drying and cooling. In the final
step
, the
sugar
crystals from the
last
step
are put ,and the
sugar
can be eventually obtained after drying and cooling down.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, step with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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