The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The picture illustrates the manufacturing process for
the
Correct article usage
apply
sugar
production starting from
Change preposition
with
sugar
cane.
Overall
, the the
Remove the redundancy
apply
sugar
production contains seven steps, beginning with the growing of sugar
cane and eventually completing after
the drying and cooling process.
Change preposition
apply
To begin
with, the manufacture of sugar
start
from the planting of the raw material, Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
sugar
canes, which take 12 to 18 month
to grow before they can be harvested. After the Fix the agreement mistake
months
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
Add a missing verb
is harvest
harvest
by Replace the word
harvested
automation
machine or manpowerReplace the word
automated
from
, they are sent to the factory and crushed into juice. Change preposition
apply
Then
, there is the filteration
process, delivering Correct your spelling
filtration
purifyed
juice with Correct your spelling
purified
limestone
filter. Following the evaporating Correct article usage
a limestone
step
, turning juice into syrup by heating up, and the centrifuging step
which is mean
to Wrong verb form
meant
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
sugar
crystals from syrup, it finally
comes to the last
part of the sugar
production - drying and cooling. In the final step
, the sugar
crystals from the last
step
are put ,and the sugar
can be eventually obtained after drying and cooling down.Submitted by ruby9512 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, step with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼