IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #technology #man
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In
this
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 modern
world
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, the use of technology is on the rise. There is a general claim that modern technology helps reduce the distance between public members. It is agreed that the advantage of science in computers and
smartphones
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 has brought many good impacts for humans in general. Analyzing the telecommunication infrastructure
as well as
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 the growth in the number of modern applications on
smartphones
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 nowadays will prove
this
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.
Firstly
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, with the growth of the
Internet
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, the telecommunication industry has been upgraded with both its speed and methods of
connection
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.
For instance
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, a telephone call has been upgraded from wire to wireless within the
last
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 century with the introduction of mobile phones.
In addition
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 to that,
smartphones
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 nowadays, which are equipped with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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high-quality camera systems and fast
Internet
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 connections, can upgrade an audio call to a Facetime, and
this
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connection
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 is not limited to a specific region but anywhere in the
world
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.
As a result
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, communication has never been
this
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 simple ever since the advantages mobile phones and the
Internet
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 brought to our lives.
Secondly
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, the rise of
smartphones
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 and electronic devices
also
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 brought many applications to assist our daily
life
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lives
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 from many perspectives.
For example
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, many social
media
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 platforms like Facebook,
Youtube
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YouTube
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 or Twitter help deliver news, photos and videos to anyone on earth within an instant moment.
Furthermore
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, newspapers and studios are taking
this
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 advantage to assist their daily work, which
also
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 helps share hot news and
media
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 products to customers just by a smartphone with an
Internet
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connection
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.
This
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 trend has proved to be faster and more efficient than traditional
media
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 platforms like paper and TV shows. In conclusion, there is no denying that the boom of technology has brought many advantages to the human era. From the telephone that helps create a one-on-one bridge
connection
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, to social
media
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 that helps us connect to other areas around the
world
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, it creates a society where everyone can share and talk to each other. It is predicted that the future of the
world
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 will still depend on these technological advantages and humans will play a key role in
this
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 process.
Submitted by xbinh91 on

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task achievement
You have provided a well-structured response with clear and coherent ideas. However, consider elaborating on the counter-arguments briefly to showcase a balanced view. This will demonstrate your ability to reflect on different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs, and each paragraph flows well into the next. Nevertheless, paying extra attention to transitional phrases could further enhance the flow.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and clearly states the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion neatly summarizes the main points and reinforces the argument presented.
task achievement
Each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-supported by relevant examples, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
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