IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high amount of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
Due to
Linking Words
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 population in our global world Manufactured food and drink
products
Use synonyms
 which contain large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 can
be causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 many
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
.
Producer
Fix the agreement mistake
Producers
show examples
 have to
increasing
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food and
drinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
drink
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 that
contraning suger
Correct your spelling
contain sugar
 to be more expensive than the normal prices to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why I do not agree with
this
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 idea.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, all the
products
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 made with
sugar
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affect
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
 life. Not only can
cause
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
.
people
Use synonyms
 have to know how much they have to consume in a day, as I say all
products
Use synonyms
is containing
Wrong verb form
contain
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
carbohidrate
Correct your spelling
carbohydrate
carbohydrates
. Too much taken of
this
Linking Words
 can
be
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
cause
Use synonyms
 lots of
healt
Correct your spelling
health
heart
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Second
people
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 that if
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 is higher it will be more
effecially
Correct your spelling
efficient
 than
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
 one. Example of organic agrricutural even
we
Correct word choice
though we
show examples
 know that it is more valuable for
health
Use synonyms
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 rare to get
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of time and
improssible
Correct your spelling
is impossible
 to get it all the time.
Body paragraph 3
Thirdly
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 and
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last
Change the word
lastly
show examples
, as we know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
consuming all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
og
Correct your spelling
of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
body
needs
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cause
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
, so
people
Use synonyms
 have to control and
consumed
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
 less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 usual.
Instead
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 of
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 up
prices
Add a comma
prices,
show examples
producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
show examples
 can reduce all the ingredients which can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cause
Use synonyms
contermination
Correct your spelling
contamination
 to the
bodys
Correct your spelling
bodies
.
Conclusion
To sum up
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 , in my opinion, an increase in price is not a solution to decreasing medical
problems
Use synonyms
 ,
instead
Linking Words
 , we can find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
much better solutions.

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task response
Ensure your essay directly responds to the task question. For example, clearly stating if you agree or disagree with making sugary products more expensive to reduce consumption, and providing specific reasons and examples to support your position.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas logically, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas both within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Consider using data, research findings, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your arguments more convincively.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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