Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in the number of offspring using

smartphones

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, which is the consequence of the wrong parenting method.

This

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is an extremely harmful development and can cause many problems for offspring when they get older. It is crucial to understand that the main reason for offspring's smartphone addiction comes from

parents

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. There is no doubt that offspring are energetic and noisily exploring the world around them;

therefore

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, disturbing

parents

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' time is common. Because of that,

parents

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tend to give their offspring

smartphones

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to play with in order to keep them quiet and not cause headaches.

As a result

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this

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becomes a bad habit and leads to offspring's smartphone addiction. Being addicted to

smartphones

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at a young age is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

root of future problems relating to health.

Due to

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the fact that the majority of the day is spent using

smartphones

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, offspring will not have enough time for physical exercises. Because

smartphones

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are addictive, offspring will prefer spending a day using them

instead

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of going out for exercise. Over time, there will be a significant drop in terms of their health rate, causing numerous diseases.

For example

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, presently, there is a climb in the number of offspring diagnosed with cardiovascular diseases and obesity. In conclusion, using

smartphones

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among offspring is the fault of the

parents

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for using the wrong parental techniques. Correspondingly, a main cause of health problems in offspring's later life.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Wed Mar 13 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

You have formed a clear argument and presented it in a logically structured way. To elevate your score, try to enhance the flow of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases that will make transitions between ideas smoother and more cohesive.

Task Achievement

You've responded to the given task adequately by explaining why children spend a lot of time on smartphones and arguing that it is a negative development. However, to achieve a higher score, consider expanding your discussion by offering a more balanced view that considers potential positive aspects as well, even if your argument ultimately leans towards negative impacts. This will make your essay more comprehensive.

Task Achievement

To improve your essay, include more specific examples and data to support your arguments. While you've mentioned general outcomes like cardiovascular diseases and obesity, incorporating specific studies, surveys, or statistics can significantly strengthen your argument and increase your score in 'Relevant & Specific Examples'.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

238 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students how to judge right from wrong and how to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Modern technology has being used more and more in different aspects of our lives, such as education. Do the advantages of using technology as an educational tool outweigh its disadvantages?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Today, TV channels provide men's sports shows more than women's sports shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women's sports and men's sports?