IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #attention
It is often argued that advertising brings positive results in human purchase habits,
while
 others believe that it
has
Verb problem
is
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 no longer
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a popular medium
of
Change preposition
for
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 selling products.
This
 essay intends to discuss both the views and argue in the favour of
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
. On the one hand, most of the ads are performed with a lot of colour and popular background songs, which can easily be attracted by
people
. That attraction makes someone think about that product and procure
although
Correct pronoun usage
it although
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 they are not in need.
Moreover
, manufacturing companies sign agreements with popular celebrities to endorse their products.
Such
 type of endorsement by famous
people
 often pursues
mass
Correct article usage
the mass
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 population to purchase new
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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, as
people
 like to follow their favourite
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
.
For instance
, a well-known sportswear brand named
puma
Capitalize word
Puma
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 selected Virat
Kholi
Correct your spelling
Kohli
for
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as
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 their brand ambassador, which
makes
Wrong verb form
made
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 a huge growth in
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
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 rate of
puma
Capitalize word
Puma
show examples
.
On the other hand
, sometimes
people
 become bored
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
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 many ads on Television
,
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apply
show examples
 because it mostly hampers
concentration
Correct article usage
the concentration
show examples
 of watching other shows.
This
 mostly has a negative impact on the selling of that product.
For example
, presently
people
 show more interest
to watch
Change preposition
in watching
show examples
 those programs, which don't have commercial breaks.
Furthermore
, products with lower or bad quality
also
 broadcast advertisements. These types of
items
Change the noun form
item
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 marketing don't get any positive feedback from customers, rather it is a waste of money for companies,
people
 always like to skip
such
 kinds of ads. In conclusion, sometimes advertising is considered as a non-important part of marketing,
however
 mostly I believe that advertising
con
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 play a vital role to attract
people
 on purchasing goods.
Submitted by mokaddamul on

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task response
To improve the task response, ensure that your essay directly answers the question posed, providing a balanced discussion of both views before giving your own opinion. While your essay did cover both viewpoints and your opinion, make the balance and relevance of examples more precise to enhance clarity and effectiveness.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking phrases and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier for readers to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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