IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of politicians, rather than individuals, to reduce the world's environmental damage. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #responsibility #politicians #individuals #world #damage
Part of
society
 believes that maintaining the surroundings is the duty of government officials,
while
 others reject the notion and agree on the fact that individuals should make efforts to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental damage. I wholeheartedly believe that more personal steps should be taken to deal with
this
 trouble because it is the duty of every single
personal
Replace the word
person
show examples
 to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and politicians have other necessary fields to deal with
such
 as hospitals and schools.
To begin
 with, the most prominent
extrapolate
Replace the word
extrapolation
show examples
 is that as the people are utilising the resources of the
environment
,
therefore
 it is their responsibility that they should keep their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
 spick and span. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals do not keep their
environment
 clean, they might suffer from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diseases caused
due to
 damaged
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
.
For Instance
, inhabitants of 'City Beautiful' Chandigarh, spend 5% of their income every month to protect their
environment
 from damage.
Thus
, it is
duty
Add an article
the duty
show examples
 of every youngster to contribute a part of their revenue to keep the area tidy in which they live.
Furthermore
, executives have enormous
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 fields in the nation, in which they need to spend a lot of money to maintain their infrastructure because schools and hospitals are the base of the
society
therefore
, rulers prefer to spend more on these and individuals need to make efforts to keep their areas clean.
Moreover
, if the administration
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 spending on all the fields in nations
then
 they may run out of their budget and
this
 may
also
 lead to a situation where citizens become careless and may run away from their responsibilities.
Therefore
, keeping the
environment
damage free
Add a hyphen
damage-free
show examples
 should be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility of
society
 members, rather than putting
budden
Correct your spelling
burden
Budden
 on officials.
To conclude
, as per the reasons mentioned above, it is essential for the common people to take care of certain areas of the nation because it is not essential for the government to do all the duties for the countries.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Expand your introduction with a clearer thesis statement delineating your position. Specificity will strengthen the reader’s understanding.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your main points more thoroughly. Providing more detailed examples and elaborating on your reasons will enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Utilize cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and facilitate a smooth reading experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and convey your message more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude your essay by summarizing your main arguments and reaffirming your position. A memorable conclusion can significantly impact the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: