IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the modern era, there has been a growing tendency of individuals to eat fast
food
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 which leads some people to suggest that all eating places should give
information
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 on nutritional composition on each
menu
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. Personally, there are many benefits of
this
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 idea
outweigh
Correct pronoun usage
that outweigh
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 the drawbacks and
this
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 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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it.
To begin
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 with, giving nutritional
information
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 to customers will help them be aware of their
health
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 and
also
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 decrease the global
health
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 problem. Nowadays, there are a lot of people who struggle with obesity and diabetes disease because they do not know the dangerous ingredients of the
food
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 or
beverage
Fix the agreement mistake
beverages
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 they consume,
while
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 many restaurants are not aware of the
nutrition
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 of their products.
For instance
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, many products have high sugar levels in America and it makes America one of the countries that have problems with obesity and diabetes disease because of the effects of
food
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 consumed by them.
On the other hand
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, the
nutrition
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 details on each product will increase the creativity of the restaurant to improve
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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menu
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. In
this
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 era, many restaurants create and serve lots of new
health
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 menus by
nutrition
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 which is suitable for consumption by people who are on diet.
For example
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, some eateries in Indonesia
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
display
information
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 on
nutrition
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 on their
menu
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 to suggest
customer
Change preposition
to customer
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 the
food
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 by
nutrition
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 that they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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 to consume always updating their
menu
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. In conclusion, there are many benefits that outweigh the drawbacks of detailing
food
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’s
nutrition
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 on the
menu
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. The
information
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 will increase customers’ awareness of the impacts of
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food
Correct article usage
the food
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 they
consumed
Wrong verb form
consume
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 and it will help to decrease the global
health
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 problems by
food
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’s causes.
Moreover
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, the restaurant will be more creative in improving their
menu
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 by
nutrition
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 in their products.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is provided in the introduction to directly address the question. Consider explicitly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, directly link your examples back to the main argument. Make sure the examples are clearly linked to the point being made and discuss how they support the argument.
task achievement
Expand on the counter-argument for more balance. A brief paragraph acknowledging potential disadvantages before reinforcing why the advantages outweigh them would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the logical flow of ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutritional information
  • Calorie count
  • Public health
  • Informed choices
  • Accountability
  • Dietary requirements
  • Logistics
  • Analyzing
  • Unhealthy ingredients
  • Consumer
  • Health outcomes
  • Gluten-free
  • Overemphasis
  • Comprehensive understanding
  • Dining experience
  • Clinical experience
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