There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, parents have more concentrated on their children's

education

Use synonyms

than the previous years. So , some of them think that non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

are no longer useful for

student's

Fix the agreement mistake

students'

show examples

education

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

should be removed

such

Linking Words

as physical

education

Use synonyms

and cookery.

However

Linking Words

, on

this

Linking Words

point, I would disagree with the statement. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will take some examples of why we should keep

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

classes and try to draw some conclusions. Let's start by looking at academic lessons, including maths, science and society. These

subjects

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are one of the big roles of our

future

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life. These

subjects

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contribute big efforts for the country's every aspect of corners

such

Linking Words

as Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.

However

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

are too pressured by their lessons and parents which can affect their health and well-being. They sit over 5 or 6 hours studying without any breaks or exercises which can cause mental, physical and emotional problems. A recent survey found that there is a productive way of studying, which is studying and exercising, moving our muscles every day.

While

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

are studying, they should do exercise or take a break and it releases energy to focus on or complete their next tasks. Academic

subjects

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are important

while

Linking Words

life skills are essential too. One day

students

Use synonyms

will become husbands or wives in their lifetime. it is an unwritten natural law so

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it is critical that they

should

Verb problem

apply

show examples

take cookery classes to prepare for their

future

Use synonyms

lives.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, if these

subjects

Use synonyms

are removed, there is a high chance of facing unemployment in the

future

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For example

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

discover their hobbies or interests when they are young, if these

subjects

Use synonyms

are eliminated what if a student wants to become a cook or physical

education

Use synonyms

teacher? so we can not do that. In conclusion, I strongly agree that we should maintain these cookery and physical

education

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classes for our

future

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. if it

removed

Add a missing verb

is removed

show examples

from the school syllabus children can die early because of their lack of exercise.

buyabuya201Thu Mar 14 2024

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Task Response

Make sure to directly address the essay question in your introduction. Providing a clear stance in the beginning can enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structures more to improve the readability of your essay. This includes using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.

Task Achievement

To enhance the argument, consider using more detailed examples or citing studies/research that back your points.

Grammar

Pay attention to minor grammar and spelling errors to improve the overall quality of your writing.

Task Achievement

You've done a great job in providing a balanced view by discussing the importance of both academic and non-academic subjects.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion clearly presented your standpoint, contributing to the essay's coherence.

Task Achievement

The use of specific examples, like the discussion about the importance of exercise and life skills, vividly supports your main points.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

336 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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