IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of a child having a large number of toys?

#parents #kids #toys #child
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In recent years,
toys
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 have become
primary
Correct article usage
a primary
show examples
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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 for
children
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. As long as the
kids
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 are happy, their parents often buy them various kinds of
toys
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 to play with.
Although
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 their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 are happy, buying a large number of
toys
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 will have its consequences. The advantages and disadvantages of having
abundance
Correct article usage
an abundance
show examples
Use synonyms
toys
Change preposition
of toys
show examples
 will be presented in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
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,
Correct article usage
the
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elderly often think that
kids
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 have to avoid using
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they should seek for replacements of it.
As a result
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, they buy
toys
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 for their
children
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 and find that it is an effective way to aim for the
minimalize
Wrong verb form
minimalised
show examples
sceentime
Correct your spelling
time
 spent by the
kids
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.
Secondly
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,
toys
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 have become more varied nowadays. Most of them are chosen by parents to stimulate
children
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's
brain
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brains
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 since
toys
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 with educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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have gone through a long process to meet the standards that have been enacted.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 large number of
toys
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 are often thrown away as the
kids
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 grow older. Most of the
toys
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 are made
by
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of
show examples
 plastic materials which are difficult to absorb by nature.
This
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 is going to burden the environment and
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
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 some bad effects. So it is important for elder people to choose
recycleable
Correct your spelling
recyclable
 products and eco-friendly claimed
Finally
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, some considerations should be formulated before buying
toys
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. Parents must have an awareness
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the positive and negative impacts of
toys
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 both on
children
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 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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task achievement
Focus on directly addressing the essay question by clearly stating the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction. This will help the reader understand your argument from the beginning.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed. This can involve expanding on points with examples or explanations to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within the essay overall. Using linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent tense throughout the essay for clarity. Switching tenses can confuse the reader and weaken the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structure to enhance the quality of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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