IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of a child having a large number of toys?

#parents #kids #toys #child
In recent years,
toys
 have become
primary
Correct article usage
a primary
show examples
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 for
children
. As long as the
kids
 are happy, their parents often buy them various kinds of
toys
 to play with.
Although
 their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are happy, buying a large number of
toys
 will have its consequences. The advantages and disadvantages of having
abundance
Correct article usage
an abundance
show examples
toys
Change preposition
of toys
show examples
 will be presented in
this
 essay.
Firstly
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
elderly often think that
kids
 have to avoid using
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
.
Therefore
, they should seek for replacements of it.
As a result
, they buy
toys
 for their
children
 and find that it is an effective way to aim for the
minimalize
Wrong verb form
minimalised
show examples
sceentime
Correct your spelling
time
 spent by the
kids
.
Secondly
,
toys
 have become more varied nowadays. Most of them are chosen by parents to stimulate
children
's
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 since
toys
 with educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have gone through a long process to meet the standards that have been enacted.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large number of
toys
 are often thrown away as the
kids
 grow older. Most of the
toys
 are made
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 plastic materials which are difficult to absorb by nature.
This
 is going to burden the environment and
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 some bad effects. So it is important for elder people to choose
recycleable
Correct your spelling
recyclable
 products and eco-friendly claimed
Finally
, some considerations should be formulated before buying
toys
. Parents must have an awareness
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the positive and negative impacts of
toys
 both on
children
 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Focus on directly addressing the essay question by clearly stating the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction. This will help the reader understand your argument from the beginning.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed. This can involve expanding on points with examples or explanations to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within the essay overall. Using linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent tense throughout the essay for clarity. Switching tenses can confuse the reader and weaken the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structure to enhance the quality of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!