IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts provide information about boys and girls’ participation rates in various activities after the survey.

The two pie charts provide information about boys and girls’ participation rates in various activities after the survey.
#two #information #boys #girls’ #participation #rates #activities #survey
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The given Pie charts illustrate how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 toys and
girls
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
participated in various
activities
Use synonyms
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 Cultural and leisure
activities
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the same
Proportion
Fix capitalization
proportion
show examples
 of listening to music
while
Linking Words
boys
Use synonyms
 have less reading
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 than reading. In detail,
Boys
Use synonyms
 have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
less
interest
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reading than
girls
Use synonyms
, which accounts for 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 21 per cent respectively. Surprisingly, both gender
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the
Same
Fix capitalization
same
show examples
 amount of
interest
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 listening to music, at one in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ten.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Computer games
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interest
Use synonyms
 16% of
girls
Use synonyms
 but it has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of rates
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 have
thore
Correct your spelling
their
interest
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 playing Basketball, at just over a quarter and Soccer and Skateboarding are 17% and 11% respectively.
On the
Linking Words
Contrary
Fix capitalization
contrary
show examples
, 15% of netball and 11% of Gymnastics are girl's preference
activities
Use synonyms
. Dancing is the most popular
Use synonyms
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
, which accounts for just over a quarter.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, activities, boys, interest with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • survey
  • comparison
  • popularity
  • activities
  • gender-specific
  • predominantly
  • societal factors
  • psychological factors
  • development
  • teamwork
  • physical health
  • cognitive skills
  • educational policies
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