IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #zoos
Some people support the idea that wild creatures should not be kept in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
while
 others consider that there are pretty good reasons for having
zoos
.
However
,
personally
Add a comma
personally,
show examples
 I am against developing
zoos
 and in the following passage both of these opinions are going to be discussed. On the one hand, all various kinds of wild
animals
 are meant to be in the wild conditions; as they all have been born to live, battle and survive in their natural habitat unless they will lose their natural life cycle. They won't be able to breed or hunt to assist the instinctive circle of
animals
 living.
For example
.It does not matter how they get trained to perform or act adorable, cute or nicely,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end if they get hungry in a room with a human being, they surely show their natural manner of "eat or get eaten".
Therefore
, they cannot get domestic or obedient
such
 as the way humans try to tame them in the
zoos
; against their natural instinct.
On the other hand
, the population for the expansion of
zoos
beleive
Correct your spelling
believes
 in some advantages. In the past decades,
zoos
 have been remembered as funny, exciting, memorable places where families
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 quality time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their weekends by visiting them. Every little child has a memory
inwhich
Correct your spelling
in which
 he/she went to
zoo
Correct article usage
the zoo
show examples
 and
experienced
Verb problem
had
show examples
 an amazing time, seeing lions, tigers, elephants and so many more brutal or sweet
animals
 in its memory.
This
 is how children can be educated about wild
animals
' existence in a safe environment. In conclusion, to answer
this
 question of whether
zoos
 must be kept or ruined, I prefer to agree with the first group as in total, the negative side outweighs the positive aspect.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide a clearer, more concise introduction that directly addresses the topic and outlines your discussion points.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within your essay to enhance flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your discussion and clearly states your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!