IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. Do you agree or disagree?

We live in an age when an increasing
number
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 of individuals are suffering from
health
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 problems. To solve these problems, others suggest that shops should not sell
products
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 that are harmful to
people
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’s
health
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. I completely agree with
this
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 notion, as there are several benefits that can be gained by the public and
society
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 if unhealthy
food
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products
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 are banned. A
number
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 of factors influence other individuals to think that businesses should not be banned from selling
food
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products
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. The most conspicuous one lies in the fact that
people
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 have the right to choose whatever they desire to consume even though it is not healthy. If companies are banned from selling unhealthy
food
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products
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, it can discourage
people
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 from buying
food
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products
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 and affect the economy.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should be given the freedom to buy whatever they want to consume.
This
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 is especially true when they need to celebrate major events, and alcoholic drinks or other sugary foods are necessary.
However
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, despite the aforementioned arguments, I stand by the fact that unhealthy foods should be banned in stores.
This
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 is because the
number
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 of
health
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 issues in
society
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 is increasing at an alarming rate. If
people
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 are discouraged from consuming unhealthy foods, the
number
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 of
people
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 who are sick will be reduced. It is quite clear that
this
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 is favourable not only for public
health
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 but
also
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 for
society
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. Needless to say, it is crucial to restrict unhealthy
food
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 from markets to maintain a healthy
society
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. In conclusion,
while
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 selling harmful
products
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 for
health
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 may offer some benefits, restricting these
products
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 provides greater advantages,
such
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 as reducing public
health
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 problems and maintaining a healthy
society
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main idea in the introduction. You mentioned agreeing with the topic but strengthen how you support this view.
task achievement
Try to add specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular health issues that arise from unhealthy food.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to organize your paragraphs better.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, summarize your main points briefly to reinforce your argument clearly.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and express it well throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage for your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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