Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations

Whilst some
people
believe in accepting a difficult condition of
life
,
others
believe that every person deserves
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
hope for a better
life
condition. In my opinion. Everyone has a
choice
and certain reasons like
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
unsatisfactory
job
or shortage of money cannot be a serious problem. On the one hand, the humans are very sociable. Most of them could depend on advice or moral support on a regular basis. But, in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
it can lead to
indicisiveness
Correct your spelling
indecisiveness
. Frequently, some of these kinds of
people
tend to ask for
an advice
Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
show examples
and can easily go by
others
opinion. It kills the strive and confidence of individuals.
For example
: some parents could instill their values
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
their children by enrolling them
something
Change preposition
on something
show examples
they don't like, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
they are forced to have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
unsatisfactory
job
. Some
people
suggest just
to accept
Change the verb form
accepting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fate.
On the other hand
,
others
believe that problems like unsatisfactory
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
can be
dealed
Verb problem
dealt with
show examples
. It all depends on
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
ambition of individuals.
People
who are forced to have
might have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
changing or if someone has financial hardship could just find additional work. In my view, everyone has responsibility for their own
life
, and everything happening around us is just the result of our
choice
. You can just sit and do nothing but it's always
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best to try something. In conclusion, many
people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
that humans should accept the bad
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
of
life
. And
others
believe it's always right to have a
choice
and try something. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
trying to do something for a better
life
is always the right
choice
. We just need to move. As Buddha said "
nothing
Capitalize word
Nothing
show examples
is impossible"
Submitted by Kanapiaulydoshan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. It seems you've established a basic response to the prompt, but your essay could benefit from more detailed exploration and discussion of the topic. Provide more depth to your argument by including more reasons, explanations, and specific examples that directly relate to your main points.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more logically and clearly. It's crucial to structure your essay in a way that each paragraph has a clear main idea and your points flow logically from one to the next. This can be aided by using a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas. Additionally, ensure your introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly relate to each other and the essay body.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: