IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are numerous
factors
Use synonyms
 that drive our motivation to
work
Use synonyms
 for the same
company
Use synonyms
 for a long time period. Whilst proponents of
a
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 notion believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
finance is the main reason that engages employees at
work
Use synonyms
, others share an opposing view
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
say
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they claim the number of
factors
Use synonyms
 that influence an
employee
Use synonyms
 to be loyal
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 far more than one. It is my contention that despite there are many points that can leave a significant impact on
individuals
Use synonyms
' lives, one of them can be elicited depending on the conditions. First and foremost, I think the most important
factors
Use synonyms
 that assist
individuals
Use synonyms
 to be part of a
company
Use synonyms
originates
Correct subject-verb agreement
originate
show examples
 from different hygiene
factors
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
work
Use synonyms
environment
Use synonyms
,
employee
Use synonyms
 benefits and future prospects. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
 statement, a person can still submit a resignation letter even though he/she makes a significant amount of money
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
factors
Use synonyms
 like
toxic
Correct article usage
a toxic
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 and
dead-end
Correct article usage
a dead-end
show examples
 position.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, particularly the young generation is motivated by
Correct article usage
the fulfillment
show examples
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 of modern technologies and trends to blend in with the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, money has become a salient factor that impacts
Use synonyms
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 decision to continue their career with a
company
Use synonyms
. A competitive salary not
meets
Rephrase
only meets
show examples
 basic needs but
also
Linking Words
 serves
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
tangible
receognition
Correct your spelling
recognition
 of one's skills and knowledge.
However
Linking Words
, anticipating
employee
Use synonyms
 motivation solely with monetary rewards falls insufficient on
pursuading
Correct your spelling
persuading
 them to stay for longer periods.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 seek supplementary benefits
such
Linking Words
 as business culture and development opportunities at
work
Use synonyms
. The potential for development and professional growth is a powerful motivator, as it aligns with personal aspirations and the desire for self-improvement. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 money is a rudimentary motivator, it is not the
solo
Correct your spelling
sole
show examples
 factor that binds employees to a
company
Use synonyms
. A holistic approach encompassing professional advancement, a nurturing
work
Use synonyms
environment
Use synonyms
, and personal development opportunities is essential for sustained
employee
Use synonyms
 retention.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To strengthen your essay, consider providing more concrete examples and detailed explanations. This can be done by integrating specific situations where financial or non-financial factors have significantly influenced an employee's decision to stay with a company. It would make your arguments more tangible and persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between your paragraphs and within them. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay, making it more coherent. Additionally, maintaining a consistent focus within each paragraph helps in preserving the cohesion of your argument.
task achievement
Incorporating counterarguments or acknowledging the opposing viewpoint before refuting it can add depth to your discussion. This strategy demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthens your position.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid general or vague statements. Be as specific as possible in your claims and support them with clear reasoning or evidence. This can help in making your essay more coherent and convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivation
  • Stability
  • Career progression
  • Advancement opportunities
  • Work environment
  • Work culture
  • Align with values
  • Benefits
  • Perks
  • Job satisfaction
  • Engaging
  • Challenging
  • Fulfilling
  • Colleagues
  • Relationships
  • Company loyalty
  • Ethos
  • Personal investment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: