Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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It is argued that quite a few

children

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spend many hours looking at their smartphone screens every day.

This

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phenomenon occurs within specific social contexts, and I believe it constitutes a negative development. On the one hand, there are several reasons why

this

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is the case. In the first place,

smartphones

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have become a modern-day pacifier. As these babies grow older, they become accustomed to looking at the screens, often without realizing that

this

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behaviour has become a habit and may develop into an addiction. In the second place,

children

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use

smartphones

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extensively because they offer a wide range of features and context. Not only entertaining media

such

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as playing games, watching funny videos or searching the web

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apply

show examples

but

also

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learning resources like e-books, study materials or academic information are offered via

smartphones

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. Without

smartphones

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, it is like navigating a room without light. Despite the plausible reasons aforementioned, I believe that

this

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behaviour is a negative development. First of all, it harms

children

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’s health. Not only does excessive screen

time

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damage

children

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’s vision

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apply

show examples

but

also

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it promotes physical inactivity, leading to sedentary lifestyles and increasing the risk of obesity and other diseases.

Second,

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the activity reduces people's skills. The more

time

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children

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spend

time

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on screens, the fewer opportunities they have for face-to-face communication with others. If

children

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perceive smartphone use as their primary form of entertainment, their social skills may deteriorate over

time

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. In conclusion,

children

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regard

smartphones

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as their entertaining and studying companions, leading to extensive screen

time

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However

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, I strongly contend that

this

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situation is not as bright as it seems since it affects

children

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negatively in terms of well-being and interpersonal interaction.

Submitted by 100hyunjun on Fri Mar 15 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking phrases and transition words to guide the reader more effectively through the essay. Additionally, work on paragraphing to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.

Task Achievement

For task achievement, aim to provide a more balanced perspective by exploring both sides of the argument more fully. Integrate more specific, real-world examples to support your points. Moreover, ensure you address all parts of the prompt comprehensively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hand gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way? Do you think it is a good trend?

You work for an international company and you need some time off to attend a family celebration. Write a letter to the company’s manager. In your letter: give details of the celebration explain the reason why you need time off suggest a way to have your work done during that time.

TD: Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantag

In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing?