You would like a temporary job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer. Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp. In your letter: explain what sort of job you would like to do describe your personality say what experience and skills you have

Dear Sir Or Madam, I am writing
this
letter to express my interest in working as
summer
Correct article usage
a summer
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camp trainer in your esteemed organisation. I am very much interested in working as
trainer
Add an article
a trainer
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to oversee
activities
Correct article usage
the activities
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of
children
and young
people
engaged in
physical
Add an article
the physical
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and outdoor sports activity. I have
Correct article usage
an outgoing
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outgoing
Correct article usage
an outgoing
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personality. I like to socialise and mingle with
children
and young
people
often. I do take very good care of them if they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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engaged in risky activities which may cause physical injuries to them. I am caring and protective too for them if
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
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demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
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. I do have very strong experience in managing large groups of
children
and young
people
. I have completed
Diploma
Correct article usage
a Diploma
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in physical education. I am
skilled
Correct article usage
a skilled
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zumba
Change the capitalization
Zumba
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instructor too and manage all age groups for Zumba lessons.
beside
Replace the word
besides
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that
Add a comma
that,
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I can arrange swimming
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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in
protected
Add an article
a protected
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environment for
children
and young
people
. I look forward to
hear
Change the verb form
hearing
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from you soon. Yours Faithfully, Jim Rogers
Submitted by yash334 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve greeting and closing, consider using more personalized openings and closures when possible, such as addressing specific people by name if known, and signing off in a way that matches the formality of the letter.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and that there is a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Linking words or phrases can be very useful for this purpose.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, while you have done well in addressing the letter's prompts, you can enhance your response by providing more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate your skills and experiences. This enrichment could make your application stand out more.
task achievement
To achieve a more suitable writing tone, fine-tune your letter to reflect the specific cultural and professional context of the organization. This might involve researching the camp's values and expressing how your personality and approach align with them.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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