IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

With all the troubles in the world today, money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#troubles #world #money #space #exploration #waste
In today's world have lots of troubles and expend amount of
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 exploration is useless.It could be better
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
 lots of
money
 on other things.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I strongly agree with
this
 statement. It is my view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
we can consider
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
money
 for education in deprived
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. The children who live in the suburbs are deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 some facilities
such
 as
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
 and we should provide some facilities
such
 as free
educaion
Correct your spelling
education
 initiatives.
Moreover
, the number of
people
 who
deprived
Add a missing verb
are deprived
show examples
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 healthcare has been increasing leading to numerous issues
such
 as prevalent sickness.
In contrast
, some
people
 claim that with global warming we have to find another planet to living
therefore
 space exploration is a crucial investment for the future.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 it provides job opportunities for the vast number of
people
 who are really interested in
this
 subject
such
 as
people
 who are good at physics and mathematics . In conclusion, I completely agree with spending a lot of
money
 on other things because to improve economic recession we should prioritize basic needs
such
 as public health care in deprived
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
free
Correct word choice
and free
show examples
 training rather than space exploration .
Submitted by marzie.ghasemi98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Present your arguments logically and traceably throughout these sections.
introduction
In the introduction, clearly state your position on the statement provided. This sets the tone for the rest of the essay and informs the reader of your stance.
examples
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. This not only strengthens your arguments but also makes your essay more engaging and informative.
relevance
Focus on keeping your ideas relevant to the topic. Avoid deviating from the topic at hand and ensure that all examples and arguments directly support your viewpoint on the statement.
coherence
Improve coherence by using linking words and phrases effectively to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This aids in making the progression of thoughts smoother and more logical.
grammar
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical mistakes and improve sentence structure. This will not only make your essay more professional but also easier to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • terrestrial issues
  • alleviate suffering
  • living standards
  • reallocate
  • long-term benefits
  • urgent social issues
  • practical applications
  • environmental monitoring
  • telecommunications
  • financial burden
  • public and private partnerships
  • social programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: