IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

There is now a shortage of physicians and teachers in job within the excess of those who work in IT fields. What are the reasons and to what consequences this development can lead us?

#shortage #physicians #teachers #job #work #fields #consequences #development
Nowadays, many people prefer to specialize in IT and sectors that are related to computers compared to the small percentage that has chosen to be teachers and physicians. On the one hand, the benefits that they can gain from working in the IT
field
 are variable from high salaries to flexible working hours.
On the other hand
,
this
 may lead to a lot of difficulty in finding a job in
this
sector
due to
 the hard competition. In the beginning, IT
field
 workers agreed that working in
this
sector
 has provided them ease and smoothness. Being able to work from your home with big companies like Google or Meta and having a large wage is a privilege that makes many folks focus on IT
instead
 of any other
field
.
In addition
, they will have a lot of time that others waste on transportation, giving them the facility to enjoy life and being able to do many things during their leisure time.
Conversely
, increasing the number of workers in the IT
sector
 will be the key factor in raising the percentage of unemployed people in
this
field
. As students these days are more interested in IT, the competition between them will
will
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
grow more in the future.
As a result
, companies will pick the elite of the elite to do their work, and many of these students will not be accepted for work in
this
field
 in the next decades.
For example
, many big technology companies employ graduates from well-known universities like Harvard, leaving the other graduates with no hope of working for them.
To sum up
,
while
 working in IT could have many advantages that most of us are keen to have still, we societies should pay attention to the number of employees in each
sector
, so they do not elevate the number of unemployed people.
Submitted by okalqusay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the clarity of some sentences, as a few of them could be more concise to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt well by discussing both the reasons for the preference for IT jobs and the potential consequences.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: