Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countries around the world. Some people think that governments should ban soft drinks and sugary snacks from schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
It is clear that
diabetes and obesity
are the
chronic
health-related issues Correct article usage
apply
in
these days all Change preposition
apply
age-group
of people suffer. Correct your spelling
age groups
However
, some people argue that soft drinks
and sugar
products
should be prohibited in schools
by the government due to
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
these
two Correct quantifier usage
number of these
problems
around the world. I strongly disagree
with this
statement and a further
explanation will be presented in this
essay.
To begin
Correct your spelling
with
withs
soft Correct your spelling
with
drinks
and fat
Replace the word
fatty
products
are not
only the reason of
Increasing rates of chronic health-related Change preposition
for
problems
because physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
activity
plays a crucial role to prevent
these diseases. Change preposition
in preventing
For example
, schools
always stimulate children to do physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
activity
during school time, so their immune power can protect and prevent obesity
and fat problems
.
To be more precise, offspring care not
the primary Add a missing verb
is not
viction
of these Correct your spelling
victim
newes
because Correct your spelling
news
of
they have good Immune Change preposition
apply
to
prevention by doing physical activities. Change preposition
for
Hence
banning the
Correct article usage
apply
sugar
products
and soft drinks
at schools
cannot reduce the number of chronic issuse
because Correct your spelling
issues
issue
physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
activity
is to be reated
.
Correct your spelling
reduced
Furthermore
, the main victim
of Fix the agreement mistake
victims
choronic
Correct your spelling
chronic
health-relate
Correct your spelling
health-related
problems
are adult
and elder population, Correct article usage
the adult
lexcept
children Correct your spelling
except
beause
younger Correct your spelling
because
persons
do not do Replace the word
people
physicial
activities as much as children do Correct your spelling
physical
along with
they sit long hours for working. For instance
, Vietnam workers only take one hour for gap
Correct article usage
a gap
this
is inadequate to get Correct article usage
a mutrious
mutrious
and healthy lifestyle. As Correct your spelling
nutritious
an
consequence, they suffer Change the article
a
obesity
and sugar
illnesses because of a lack of exercise and slepping
Correct your spelling
sleeping
disorder
. Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
Then
Kids are not the victim
of chronic issues, so soft Fix the agreement mistake
victims
drinks
and sugar
products
should not ban
in Wrong verb form
be banned
schools
.
In conclusion, soft drinks
and sugar
contains products
are not only the main reason for increasing obesity
and sugar
diseases but also
physical activity
is needed to be healthy- Therefore
, I strongly disagree with this
statement because Schools
always encourage offspring to do physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
activity
, so their Immune power can prevent these diseases.Submitted by reanudeepan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Content
Work on offering more detailed and specific examples to back up your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
Organization
Strive for better organization of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the essay as a whole has a logical flow.
Language
Pay close attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors. Errors can distract from your message and make your essay harder to follow.
Development
Develop your paragraphs more thoroughly. Each paragraph should explore a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.
Task Response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked, focusing on the extent to which you agree or disagree with the proposed solution.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.