Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countries around the world. Some people think that governments should ban soft drinks and sugary snacks from schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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It is clear that

Linking Words

diabetes and

obesity

Use synonyms

are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

chronic health-related issues

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these days all

age-group

Correct your spelling

age groups

show examples

of people suffer.

However

Linking Words

, some people argue that soft

drinks

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and

sugar

Use synonyms

products

Use synonyms

should be prohibited in

schools

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by the government

due to

Linking Words

increasing

Correct article usage

the increasing

show examples

these

Correct quantifier usage

number of these

show examples

two

problems

Use synonyms

around the world. I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement and a

further

Linking Words

explanation will be presented in

this

Linking Words

essay.

To begin

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

with

show examples

withs

Correct your spelling

with

show examples

soft

drinks

Use synonyms

and

fat

Replace the word

fatty

show examples

products

Use synonyms

are not only the reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

Increasing rates of chronic health-related

problems

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because

physicial

Correct your spelling

physical

activity

Use synonyms

plays a crucial role

to prevent

Change preposition

in preventing

show examples

these diseases.

For example

Linking Words

schools

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always stimulate children to do

physicial

Correct your spelling

physical

activity

Use synonyms

during school time, so their immune power can protect and prevent

obesity

Use synonyms

and fat

problems

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. To be more precise, offspring care

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

the primary

viction

Correct your spelling

victim

of these

newes

Correct your spelling

news

because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

they have good Immune

Change preposition

for

show examples

prevention by doing physical activities.

Hence

Linking Words

banning

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sugar

Use synonyms

products

Use synonyms

and soft

drinks

Use synonyms

schools

Use synonyms

cannot reduce the number of chronic

issuse

Correct your spelling

issues

issue

because

physicial

Correct your spelling

physical

activity

Use synonyms

is to be

reated

Correct your spelling

reduced

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the main

victim

Fix the agreement mistake

victims

show examples

choronic

Correct your spelling

chronic

health-relate

Correct your spelling

health-related

show examples

problems

Use synonyms

are

adult

Correct article usage

the adult

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and elder population,

lexcept

Correct your spelling

except

children

beause

Correct your spelling

because

younger

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

do not do

physicial

Correct your spelling

physical

activities as much as children do

along with

Linking Words

they sit long hours for working.

For instance

Linking Words

, Vietnam workers only take one hour for

gap

Correct article usage

a gap

show examples

this

Linking Words

is inadequate to get

Correct article usage

a mutrious

show examples

mutrious

Correct your spelling

nutritious

and healthy lifestyle. As

Change the article

show examples

consequence, they suffer

obesity

Use synonyms

and

sugar

Use synonyms

illnesses because of a lack of exercise and

slepping

Correct your spelling

sleeping

disorder

Fix the agreement mistake

disorders

show examples

Then

Linking Words

Kids are not the

victim

Fix the agreement mistake

victims

show examples

of chronic issues, so soft

drinks

Use synonyms

and

sugar

Use synonyms

products

Use synonyms

should not

ban

Wrong verb form

be banned

show examples

schools

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, soft

drinks

Use synonyms

and

sugar

Use synonyms

contains

products

Use synonyms

are not only the main reason for increasing

obesity

Use synonyms

and

sugar

Use synonyms

diseases but

also

Linking Words

physical

activity

Use synonyms

is needed to be healthy-

Therefore

Linking Words

, I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement because

Schools

Use synonyms

always encourage offspring to do

physicial

Correct your spelling

physical

activity

Use synonyms

, so their Immune power can prevent these diseases.

reanudeepanSat Mar 16 2024

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Content

Work on offering more detailed and specific examples to back up your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.

Organization

Strive for better organization of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the essay as a whole has a logical flow.

Language

Pay close attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors. Errors can distract from your message and make your essay harder to follow.

Development

Develop your paragraphs more thoroughly. Each paragraph should explore a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.

Task Response

Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked, focusing on the extent to which you agree or disagree with the proposed solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

314 words

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Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countries around the world. Some people think that governments should ban soft drinks and sugary snacks from schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Fully explain your ideas

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

You have bought some clothing online and are not satisfied with your purchase. Write a letter to the company that you bought the clothing from. In your email -Give detail of the purchase -Desribe the problem -Explain why you need a replacement urgently.

A large number of young people cannot find a job when they leave university. What problems will youth unemployment cause for individuals and for society? What measures should take to reduce unemployment?

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.