Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
Majority
of individuals Correct article usage
The majority
talk
that so much attention and many Verb problem
say
foods
,drinks
are given in the Correct word choice
and drinks
defend
of Replace the word
defence
livestocks
and many Correct your spelling
livestock
birds
. This
essay about
wildlife and their protection. And additionAdd a missing verb
is about
to
, we keep Change preposition
apply
animals
of extend
species.
Wrong verb form
extended
To begin
with, I partly agree. Many livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
life
Replace the word
live
on
the forest and some types of Change preposition
in
extend
species Replace the word
extended
keep
in Wrong verb form
are kept
the
special areas. Correct article usage
apply
Besides
, people
give
much attention Verb problem
pay
for
Change preposition
to
animals
, due to
, Change preposition
because
animals
are helpful for
Change preposition
to
people
. So, people
spend many resources, Correct word choice
and foods
foods
for wild Fix the agreement mistake
food
animals
. The prime example of how this
scheme work
is Uzbekistan's Red Fix the agreement mistake
works
book
. There are different Capitalize word
Book
birds
, animals
and plants. Moreover
, they are extend
species. If we Replace the word
extended
will
not protect Verb problem
do
animals
or some types of birds
, they will disappear and our ecosystem shall
suffer.
Verb problem
will
However
, animals
sometimes attack to
Change preposition
apply
human
when they are nervous. So, Fix the agreement mistake
humans
people
do not want feed
Fix the infinitive
to feed
livestocks
.Correct your spelling
livestock
Moreover
,
some sort of birds
live everywhere. Other
reason is Change the wording
Another
birds
eat different fruits, vegetables and soft foods
are
not edible. So, I from time to time dislike Correct pronoun usage
that are
birds
. Furthemore
, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
that is
very messy. The vital reason is we feed up the birds
, so, they come back to our garden for
eat our Change preposition
to
crop
.
Fix the agreement mistake
crops
To sum up
, I agree. Due
to
, Correct pronoun usage
to this
animals
and some sort of birds
enhance our ecology and improve fresh foods
' quality. Also
Add a comma
Also,
birds
fertilize plants, flowers and trees and this
very productivity our environment. Therefore
, we should keep and defend our helpful friends. We live well and breathing
easily because of Wrong verb form
breathe
livestocks
.Correct your spelling
livestock
Submitted by Shaxnoza on
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Logical Structure
Consider presenting your argument in a more structured manner, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and purpose.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use transitional phrases to better connect paragraphs and sentences, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' and 'As a result,' to guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
Task Achievement
Be sure to address the task directly and maintain focus on the question. Expand your discussion around the statement given and make your position clear from the introduction.
Supporting Main Points
Include more detailed examples to support your arguments. Specific examples not only demonstrate your understanding but also make your arguments more persuasive and relevant to the topic.
Language
Review your essay for grammar and vocabulary errors. Using a wider range of vocabulary and correct grammar can significantly impact the clarity of your argument and your overall score.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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